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Toxic relationship??

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Posted by HAMPSTERBRAIN40 on Jan 7 2017 at 02:14
Member since: 07 January 2017
Gender: Male
Emotional advice forum category advice forum category I met this woman over a year ago. we hit it off good as friends. We kept in contact and then in the summer she made the "pass" at me by giving me a kiss on the lips. I know the relationship was quite odd and I was in a vulnarable situation but let it progress. She was separating from her bf at this time.

We never officially got together and she ended up back with her bf. She kept contacting me as a friend does who is "concerned" and I reply with small talk. 3 weeks ago she calls me and tells me there is a lot of little things that remind her of me and that she loves me still. Last week she messages me that her bf beat her up and threw away the phone i bought her.

I am kind of stumped and have the "ideas" that I know I should leave this relationship. I believe her of the feelings she has for me...I strongly love her and have been patient because of our mutual feelings toward each other. She does have two children with the guy and i saw what her relationship was like.

Am I too much of a nice guy?? I am just wanting to hear others opinions because of my belief in order to let go of a person...there should be a closure. Do i just leave it be and don't bother replying when she contacts me. I know for a fact that she will. This is toxic.

Reply from MOST ROYALBLOOD on Jan 7 2017 at 08:29
Member since: 29 December 2016
Gender: Male
My brother, she was in a relationship with another guy and still had eyes on you and got into an emotional spree with you still. What assures you that she won't still do same when you both finally get to be together with another guy?

Best choice, know you deserve more, help advice and assist her in any possible platonic way you can. No point showing love when its not returned or reciprocated.

Run for your life brother.

You deserve more and I mean it. Find a good girl that is SINGLE and try grow love with her, and when you ready to walk down the aisle, send me an invite.

All the best brother

Reply from TEK on Jan 10 2017 at 07:54
Member since: 11 December 2016
Royalblood has a good point. Why would she not do to you what's she's doing to the other guy? And ask yourself how can she cliaim to love you, and I mean really love you when she's with another guy...by choice.

I can relate to what you're going through because I've just been through something similar. 2 years ago I met a girl and started casually dating her, but at the time she was rebounding hard from her ex bf and in a pretty messed up place with it all and they maintained a strange level of contact with each other as they played out their game of cat and mouse with me caught in the middle. She described him as abusive and eventually told me she wanted no more to do with him and was falling in love with me, despite this he was always present lurking beneath the surface and eventually she randomly cut me off, told me to fuck off and got back with him. We hadn't been officially together but needless to say it still hurt and I felt quite betrayed.

Almost a year later she contacted me behind her partners back to tell me she had never stopped thinking about me and really did love me. Shortly thereafter she left her partner and contacted me to ask to talk. She apologised for everything she'd done and told me she loved me and wanted a chance with me. She described her partner as extremely abusive and claimed to hate him and never want anything to do with him again and getting back with him in the first place had been a huge mistake she'd made when she was in a dark place. She wanted to be with someone as great as me. I expressed my issues trusting her and she told me she'd do all she could to prove to me it was me she loved and only me and I was her absolute priority. We stared a serious relationship and were, I thought, happily together, for 6 months. Then the day before my birthday she told me she couldn't be with me anymore. We talked, she was upset she asked for some time to sort herself out so she could be what I deserved. 2 weeks later I found out she was back with her ex again, she'd seen him behind my back before we broke up, restarted with him Immediatley and even moved i with him inside of a month and after I confronted her about it and she told me she never loved me like she loved him, being with me was the mistake and he has always been the one for her and moreover she had run to him claiming I was abusive and had been abusing her (not true).

With hindsight I look back and suddenly question why I would have believed that she loved me or how she could claim she did when she first came back to me when she'd been with someone else for that time. The reality is if it had been me she loved the whole time, it would have been me she chose and me she'd been with. You don't love one person but engage in or maintain a relationship with a different person. It doesn't work like that. Sound familiar?

And to put it bluntly this exprience has fucked me up. It's resulted in a reemergence of the depression I worked so hard to overcome before I met her, Ive ended up back in therapy and back on medication and it really is not worth it.

I think there are some similarities here with your story. If you choose to be in a relationship with this woman, then you need to be prepared to face and go through a convoluted, tangeled web of issues and drama that most healthy relationships don't face. And ultimately if you do try to make a go of a relationship with her, my experience suggests you're probably setting yourself up to be very hurt. Though it's your choice to make.

As royalblood said, do yourself a favour, love yourself and go and find yourself a nice single girl with no baggage with whom you can form a functional, drama free, loving relationship. That's how it should be.

Reply from CATH on Jan 14 2017 at 10:00
- unregistered user
Yes, you're too much of a nice guy. Nothing wrong with that, except you end up getting hurt which you do not deserve. It's very heroic to even stay as a friend with a woman in such a situation. Truth is, women in abusive relationships can't just get out of it. And its even more complicated because they've got kids. Sad to say, but "saving" somebody you love from such a situation does not work, unless she's the one trying her best to sincerely get out of it but is being threatened or something. then its not just you she needs but maybe some...legal procedure or something. Otherwise, as the guys said, run for your life!

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