How to get over a break up when he says he needs to find himself
I'm having a sort of crisis at the moment. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years this month when out of nowhere he says the past two months have been a lie and he is feeling tied down? We agreed to break up and find ourselves with the hopes that we might get back together. But when I asked him before we took our break if he loves me and wants to be with me he can only reply "I don't know." Which is why I decided to end things. The night that I decided to end things he broke down in front of me (Most emotion he's shown in front of me before) and tried to bring up every option we could go with that didn't include breaking up. I ended up telling him that we couldn't do that, even though it was the hardest thing for me. And when he left that evening we kissed and said goodbye, and it felt more loving than anything else. And since then he has been emotionless and cold in order to protect himself. I don't want anything but him, but I know we are broken up. And we both keep falling back into old habits and it's making it so much harder. I know we need to cut contact completely but we have animals together and also an apartment so it's not that easy. He told me the other day when he was leaving to stay with his mother that he didn't want me to have any hope for us getting back together even though the day before he said it was all he wanted (to get back together after we find ourselves). I'm not sure how to feel or begin processing any of this. My last relationship was 5 years and it was abusive so leaving was easy. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. If anyone has any advice... please... I could use some advice.
Hi Sorry to hear that i had that day today in reverse how are you doing
After two years, co-apartment responsibilities, animals together and he wants to break up to "find himself"?
Something else is going on and he owes you a better explanation.
Depression? He wants to be free to explore another woman? Financial?
You handled this just right. Let him have what he wanted (his freedom) but he's not allowed to put restrictions or guilt or ties on you.
Sit back and watch what happens.
@NICEGUY I'm doing better. Each day waking up is a little harder and harder since he is in my dreams, i'm surrounded by his stuff, etc. But I know it'll get easier.
@SUSIEDQQ I agree. There is something else going on but he won't talk to me about it. I know he has the urges like all men for another woman. But I even gave the suggestion of inviting someone else back into our bed and then possibly morphing into a Poly relationship. And he still was a no go. So I think he is using that as an excuse. I know he is depressed, and now he is going to therapy. It just sucks that someone I have shared every aspect of myself with can't/won't share this with me. If you don't mind me asking what do you mean by "Sit back and watch what happens?" Just curious.
He's going back to mama. He's getting what he wants.
Either he will realize what he has lost and come back - in therapy, changed and more mature
he will sink down into his delusions, stubbornness, or whatever it is that's clamming him up and making him reject you and what you two had.
All this will take time. You will be able to witness everything and then decide if he's the kind of guy you really want to spend your life with.
PS Pack up his "stuff" and get rid of it. A new day is coming.
PSS - a threesome? really!!? You thought that would make everything "better"?
I agree with everything you say.
But yes. A threesome somewhere down the road would be something I would be interested in as well. I wouldn't do it just to keep him. I'm not about ignoring my morals for a guy. But if there was someone that we both were interested in I would give it a shot.
If he ever said he wanted that and I disagreed then I would not do it just to make It "better". I'm smarter than that.