Does anyone else feel like their marriage has suffered after having kids?
I have a beautiful baby boy and another one on the way. Yay! Only problem is, my husband and are growing further and further apart! It's a lot of things that are contributing to our distance.
1. He spends tons of time at the gym, which I used to do, but don't have time to do now.
2. He doesn't help around the house much with cooking, cleaning or yard work.
3. He never compliments me, but instead recently told me how "huge" my belly is. I'm 20 weeks pregnant!
4. He is jealous of my part time work schedule and makes me feel guilty for staying home with the baby. Hello.. childcare is expensive! I'm bonding with our child, raising him and saving our family money!!
5. We're trying to buy a house, and we can't agree on anything.
6. He fights dirty. Cusses, name calls, yells as loud as he can. In front of the baby!!
Can anyone else relate? Or just want to offer to advice? Thanks!
OMG..I thought it was just me..I've been with my wife for 17 years and been married for 8. First child now aged 12 everything was great. Up until we had our second now aged 3. Since our youngest was born our relationship has nosedived.I really could do with help too..
Hate to say it but counciling may be the best bet for you both. I'm not one who is giving the best advice here, but sitting down away from the kids maybe in a public location such as a restaurant. Calmly and collectively discuss your issues with one another. Try to come to some sort of an agreement or resolve after all you have kids and they need you together not apart.
Same in my house too. After second baby its too much tiring with house and office work and my husband is not cooperative.Don't know what to do. Feeling very lonely and helpless.
Bringing a child into your lives changes things. It requires both of you to make adjustments to the way you live from then on. Sometimes husband or wife become withdrawn the reality sets in about being a mother or father.
Although this may not be the case in either situation communication is important. That's basically what holds a marriage together talking to one or the other about What's wrong what can we do to make things right again. What was that spark that brought us together in the first place.
Date nights. Counselling. Priority is to get time together away from kid and focus on the "us"; You need to communicate your needs to him calmly and clearly, for example the fact that you miss being able to spend hours at the gym and point out the obvious, that commenting on your size while you are pregnant is so insensitive it sounds like he needs to get with the program. It also sounds like he is in denial about being a father. His life hasn't changed dramatically; surely he could give up two hours of gym to give you some "me" time, time you need to carve out for yourself.
I agree with Shauna in that I also think he's in denial about being a father. And I'm just curious what do you say when he points out how huge your belly is? Do you say yes! isn't it great we are going to have our 2nd child! ...so instead of him going to the gym ask him put the kettle on and run you a bath! Tell him if he was carrying the baby for 40 weeks he'd have a big belly too! Maybe sit down and go through what you would like to change with him.
Tell him its fair that if he still has gym time then he should do his fair share too and let you have some time to do whatever you want. He may feel that he's in work all day and so once he's home it's his free time. But he needs to see that you are working around the clock minding your baby.
Is there was a family member who could mind your baby for an hour or two, to let both of you have some time alone and if you are out for a quiet drink or cup of coffee, there's least likely to be a lot of yelling, maybe that would help you both
And Ladder666 a three year old has bundles of energy! I remember it well with mine. But you were nearly 10yrs younger when you had your first and you and your wife probably had more patience and energy at that point (I'm not insinuating that you don't have either now!) It can be tough sometimes when the kids are young. You can't just do what you want when you want, but it's about making time, doing things that you all enjoy (I loved going on picnics when the kids were young) or all of us to a movie. Even to have a movie and pizza night in, and you and your wife can chill out with a glass of wine or beer (or not ) whatever it is that you enjoy, make some time for you both.