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Babysitting help

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Other advice I'm older than your average babysitter (20s) and I've been babysitting for this really nice family for a couple years. The only issue I have with them is the dad gets a little innapropriate when he gets drunk (usually every time he comes home).

My last time babysitting for them he was already drunk when I got there and was extremely inappropriate towards me telling me he'd have sex with me if I weren't the babysitter and getting far too close to me. It made me feel very uncomfortable but I didn't mention anything as it was a crazy night and that's just how he gets when he drinks.

However they've booked me for end of January and they've advised me the mom will be away that weekend. So when the dad comes home (likely drunk) it will be just him and I, and I'm terrified.

I know it was just him acting stupid drunk and probably nothing will happen, but I don't want to put myself in a position where something could. But I already told them I would.

Any suggestions are helpful as I'm terrified.

Babysitting help

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You don't have to accept the husband's drunken behavior but you have to a certain extent by commenting "that's just how he gets when he drinks". You either give up the gig because of his actions or you accept it. You need to understand that no one deserves to be treated as such, whether drunk or sober, and it doesn't matter how nice the family is and how long you've worked for them. What does matter is that you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect 100% of the time and given your age, you need to make decisions about situations that keep you safe or they don't. Alcohol doesn't and shouldn't get a look in when you have been entrusted with the babysitting responsibilities of their children.

The choice is entirely yours to make...

Babysitting help

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Could you bring someone along with you that night? a friend to keep you company and to make you feel safer and give you the confidence to remind this man that you are only in his house to mind his and his wife's kids! And maybe if you tell him that you enjoy working for him but under the circumstances that maybe you won't be able to continue to babysit. Maybe he will wise up and start acting appropriately, as I'm pretty sure he won't want his wife wondering why you suddenly can't babysit for them anymore.

Babysitting help

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I don't call the way he behaves towards you "nice", SUP1234. Nice is as nice does - EVEN WHEN DRUNK (despite silly, slurry and clumsy might still feature). I mean, there are too many other husband-clients who return from a Sat night party/outing with their wife, similarly worse for wear - even paralytic! - yet, the most inappropriate behaviour you ever see from them is, e.g., being forced to hear the guy completely b*lls-up up a really bad and corny joke and/or walk straight into the kitchen counter! So don't blame the alcohol and don't call this supposed FATHER-FIGURE "nice" (- YOU'RE SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER, DON'T FORGET!!!).

He's immature and irresponsible, and can manage to keep this side of his nature under-wraps, when in company or with someone who's giving him the benefit of their service, only if-and-when sober. Berbom! He probably acts like an ass at the actual parties/venues as well, only, [1] that's not your problem and [2] that's completely different because, there, he's undoubtedly among more mature, experienced women who know exactly how to deal with it/him (not to mention his wife as chaperone or these other women's husbands ready to defend). You aren't, hence don't (or don't quite) - HENCE, are, quote, "terrified".

Gosh, what on earth are you that frightened and trepidatious of, we wonder? The answer's obvious isn't it..."WHAT IF (when he's drunk, which history shows he will be, HE...", when devoid of his normal self-control *and* devoid of the wholly effective inhibitor of the missus liable to appear back in the room at any minute?

How much will you be getting paid? Because whatever it is - IT'S NOT ENOUGH/ISN'T WORTH THAT AMOUNT OF STRESS AND DREAD AND (potentially) RISK.

You feel terrified because his behaviour indicates that when around him following his having had a drink or three - with the likelihood of his being drunk, significantly high - YOU'RE NOT SAFE (when you should be).

Nip it in the bud. At least make sure he never does it again/reins himself in (- even if he's slow on the uptake, he'll eventually-inevitably join the dots if you make this your stock response every time, don't you worry) by pulling out and making your excuses a few days prior (no more than 3 - leave him in the lurch and at huge inconvenience). Be "ill...stomach bug...don't wanna risk infecting the kids", WHATEVER. Although, in actual fact, the more *just that bit too on the flimsy/tenuous and unbelievable side* your excuse, the better! Let him have to wonder, are you lying to get out of it and, if so - WHY are you/what's wrong?... "Oh, dear, was it because last time I...?". (Yes, pal, well done, someone give 'im a medal.....So behave yourself next time instead of using being however much under the effects as your cover excuse to intimidate women who are half your age as well as in an alien, vulnerable position (you master, she hired staff) *on YOUR territory* = seriously inhibited against putting you incisively, decisively in your place. Or else spend months, possibly a lot longer, trying to find another notoriously thin-on-the-ground, reliable, trustworthy, *decent* babysitter for your supposedly precious cargo!).

(Course you're decent, SUP1234. You quite rightly object to his behaviour and - under the given context and circumstances - find it disturbingly and overly shockingly untoward. Nuff said - you're decent, he's a mildly bullying a-hole that needs to watch his step!) (...Putting it bluntly.)

You have ample Red flags...after all, if he'd overstep the mark to that affronting extent when his wife *is* present/to-hand, then what do you think he'll be like when she isn't?! Hence, your gut is screaming at you, 'Nooo, don't do it!'. And if the actual reality of the situation is that your gut is wrong and over-reacting? WELL, WHOSE FAULT IS THAT, THEN, EH? He should have thought about that, shouldn't he.

Obviously (we hope!) he didn't.

Drunk *and* thick.

Anyway, so what if you already told them you would? Didn't the normal rules surrounding being someone's babysitter 'tell' you that each experience would be a nothing-but-pleasant, safe and reassuring one? Wasn't that the tacit deal? And isn't that deal universal? So who broke the tacit contract first?

His action, his consequence.

*Really* hope that helps!

Babysitting help

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Do you really need this job?

He's putting you in danger driving home drunk and his remarks are really inappropriate!!

If you must, then the next time, when you arrive at the job, he will be there. Announce AT THAT TIME that when he comes home,you expect him to act like a gentleman OR you will let his wife know about all the things he has said to you before.

Expect him to deny or feign surprise about what he said. Be very firm. Let him know that you will not put up with drunk-driving and all the behavior that goes with him being drunk.

(Is there any other way you can get home - taxi or other friend? How about bringing a female friend with you for this particular night?)

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