Confused and don't know what to do
We've been together off and on for 10 years as of recently he has found recovery and our family has been more than well...As of recently he has been distant and come to find out he had recevied and started talking to someones phone number he had met on the bus and i guess has had conversation with. it caused us to break up or at least significantly split. we have two children together but yet we still live in seperate house holds. I feel emotionally connected but I am so hurt at this point within our relationship. He had cheated once before and it was a long and drawn out drama. but this time we were suppose to be moving forward but I cant seem to get past that he would hurt me again. He blames me for so much stuff and its stuff I feel like he doesnt acknowledge his part in. I always feel like I'm the bad person and he keeps saying I like playing the victim but I honestly just feel like his actions hurt me and I retaliate. I cant win for loosing regardless if its the truth or a lie im always guilty.
I am recently out of an abusive relationship. Abuse is not always physical. It's emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual. Anything that is being done that makes you feel bad about yourself or encourages you to change yourself to fit them is abuse. That is what I was told. So, you are with someone that completely disrespects you, yet they expect you to allow this behavior to continue because they have trained you to accept it. And as long as you allow this to be, then it will be. You can not change this person. You never will. You have been targeted, vetted, and trained by an abuser. Know this. They do not change. They change you. It's who they are.
This is the hard part. Decide you deserve better and leave. The hardest and best thing you can do. You are emotionally tied to him. He is only with you because of what you do for his ego. You deserve and can have someone that wants to be with you for you. But it is not fun to get away from them. Go to CODA. Citizens Against Domestic Abuse. The first thing they did for me was explain that I was abused and why. Because I didn't realize I was. They can help you tons! Once you see the situation clearly, you will be able to handle things better. If you take him back, it only gets worse. Never better. Worse.