A week ago my husband told me that he and one of his female co workers had sex about a week or so before Christmas 2016. He told me that him and her had pre planned 24 hours in advance to have sex after they got off work the following night. That following night he said they got off work and he followed her to an empty parking lot and had sex in the back of her car. Now he says it only happened that one time and that he felt guilty and that he wanted to be with me and that I was the only woman for him and that he was sorry and would do anything to make our marraige work but what I cant seem to get over is other than the fact he had sex with another woman other than me, his wife is that those 24 hours before he did what they had planned was he sat home with me all that day and acted as if things were fine when infact he knew what he was about to go and do when he should have been thinking about me and our marraige. I am not sexually attracted to my husband right now because of what he did and I definitely dont trust him and dont know if I ever will again. It really bothers me because every night he goes to work which is 6 nights a week he sees her (the other woman) at work and he says that they dont talk but I dont believe that for one second. I feel sad, angry, disrespected, disappointed among many other feelings but above all else I feel like my husband never really even loved me like he said he has because if he did I dont think he would have had sex with one of his co workers. I feel like I am less of the woman that I am and I feel as tho I am not sexy enough. I am confused and really just dont know where to go from here. I really dont have anyone to talk to about this and any advice would be greatly appreciated. We have been married almost 4 years now and before this situation I had complete trust in my husband and now I am questioning every single thing and all I do is think and think and think about my husband and this other woman having sex and I cant seem to get it out of my head. I was really considering getting in touch with the other woman to get the full story but I dont know if that would be a good idea because I dont know this other woman and I know how the other person involved could lie just to cause even more problems. Please help.
I can relate to you here. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We bought a house 2 years ago and that's when it all started. In December 2014 he claimed to go hang out with friends after work a couple of nights. Which I knew was odd cause he never done that, but we had been on edge with each other lately so I figured he just needed some time out. I later found messages between him and another woman that he went and met up with her. I only know that they were "talking", and they made out and some oral. As far as I know, no sex, which I'm not so sure didn't happen. Then in February 2015 we decided to get pregnant (I did not know he cheated at this time) I found out he had cheated later on in my pregnancy.
BUT, when I was 20 weeks pregnant he took a trip to Alaska to visit his brother he hadn't seen in years. When he returned, he started acting weird like back in December. I found out he had kissed a woman and was talking to her when he was in Alaska. "He was drunk". Whatever.
I found out about both these woman around the same time. He promised it wouldn't happen again and that he did love me. But I wasn't so sure I felt the same. Still not sure. He now let's me see his phone and never goes out, he is different then before. But I resent him and just don't feel the same way toward him. I'm no longer sexually attracted towards him and I just don't really feel anything for him. If it wasn't for my son, I would of left. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't.
If you plan to stay with him I recommend counseling, if he will go. I don't know your situation personally, only you can decide whether to stay or go. If you are both willing to work towards it then you have a chance, especially if your willing to move on.
I don't recommend contacting the other woman. I contacted the first woman and asked her about it, and she felt no remorse what so ever, so you would probably just be wasting your time. But talking does help, I'm in my early 20s with a one year old and I don't have any friends to confide in. If you need to talk, I'm open to talking with you! I hope you all the best!
Sorry to hear that you've both been cheated on. Unfortunately both genders are guilty of cheating these days 50/50 mostly because of core values in our society.
Counseling is almost always recommend but if for some reason it doesn't work out you can always come back here. I'm sure someone will give you some excellent advice.
If you have time check out this video
Hope this works had trouble with it the last time