My Family Moved Into My Parents Home, Bad Choice....

Posted by
ANICOLE
on Jan 15 2017 at 03:32
Member since: 14 January 2016
Housing advice forum category advice forum category Me and my husband are in our early twenties. We have been married for 3 years. We have a one year old son. We bought our first house two years ago and was doing very well financially. When I was pregnant I lost my job at a bank due to job cuts, and my husband works in construction so he got laid off due to no work, so we went through our savings trying to make due with bills. We don't have any family able to watch our son, and if I were to get a job I would be paying for child care so I currently stay home with our son.

About a year ago we decided to put our home for sale as it was becoming to much to pay for. My parents have a full basement that they finished for us to stay in while we try to sell our home, so we have been staying with them for a few months. We still have our home on the market and trying to sell it.

My husband was working out of state through the week and home on weekends but recently got laid off again. Supposed to only be for a couple weeks. (Fingers crossed) Although, he doesn't really like to help out with our son. He's a good father to him and enjoys playing with him. But, I always have to ask him for help and he always complains about doing it.

I have always struggled with being a little depressed and I have bad anxiety. Ever since I had my son I've struggled with my thyroid. Something new I'm trying to adjust to. But it affects me a lot.

The point of me coming here for help and suggestions is that my mom has been really grouchy lately and she told me this evening that it's because of us. Because she doesn't get any help. I help her upstairs as much as I can, but with washing dishing or loading and unloading the dishwasher my one year old wants to help instead of playing or watching some cartoons. She always, and I mean always has laundry to do and complains when I complain that I need to do laundry. I hardly get to wash my clothes.

She always says she doesn't get any help, I don't either. My husband doesn't help me. I tell her I can't get help for what I need to do, so how could I help her. We don't have much room downstairs and no closets, so our clothes stay in laundry baskets. They complain about our clothes in laundry baskets out, our stuff and my cats. They knew we had a bunch of stuff and cats before asking us to move in. Financially with still having a mortgage we are not able to find another place right now and I just don't know what to do. Someone, please help!

My family moved into my parents home, bad choice....
Reply from
WINTERSUN
on Jan 17 2017 at 07:41
Member since: 07 May 2015
Your parents very kindly let you live in their home, I would do the same if my kids needed similar help (they still live with me btw) However, your parents possibly thought it would be a very short-term arrangement. As much as your parents love you, they have been used to having a tidy house (no clothes hanging around in laundry baskets or cats!)

What does your husband do while hes out of work? You say he doesn't help you much. If it were me I'd have to give him a list and ask him to choose either look after your son while you can wash clothes, or unload the dishwasher or he has to do the washing and load or unload the dishwasher! Living in a tense atmosphere is going to escalate if nothing is resolved.

Does your mum get on with your son, is there a way to help each other? (not sure how old your mum is) but could she mind your son (a bit of extra bonding maybe) and you help her with her chores. You would get more done knowing your son isn't 'helping' you, at that age you need eyes in the back of your head! But it is good that he likes to help, that will guide him in later years. Does he have a high chair? baby chair..and while you are upstairs bring him with you and put him in that and give him a small bowl of suds and some plastic cups to wash. I bet that will keep him happy for an hour you can have a cuppa with your mum while you unload the dishwasher!

I remember having to vacuum with my daughter in a papoose! She was very clingy and the minute I put her down she just wouldn't settle and her being our first and very premature we never left her crying for a second (I can hear a lot saying big mistake!)

Anyhow I think your mum perhaps is getting a little frustrated and feeling the place is too cramped, maybe she thought you would be settled somewhere else sooner than now, but she loves you and doesn't want to say what the real reason is so she complains that nobody helps her, she also might be annoyed that your husband is out of work but isn't even helping either and again doesn't want to say that in case it starts a row.

Point out to your husband that your parents are helping a lot by letting you stay and save and try get him to help and I'm sure things will run more smoothly and if you are all happier things will get easier and hopefully your husband will get back to work soon

Hope things get better for you soon.

My family moved into my parents home, bad choice....
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 17 2017 at 14:55
Member since: 27 December 2013
Husband dense or are you speaking second year Chinese to him? He's just not getting it.

GIVE HIM A LIST of things to do. No nagging, no asking, - it's just jobs that have to be done.

Your parents (Mom) is getting testy about having people in her home. This is not about the laundry. Perhaps they see that things don't look like they will change and it scares her.

PS Homes are flying off the shelf here in the US. Where do you live? Why aren't you IN the house at the same time you are trying to sell it? You say you have mortgage payments.

My family moved into my parents home, bad choice....
Reply from
ALSOSUSAN2
on Feb 13 2017 at 08:48
Member since: 09 February 2017
I cannot imagine having my daughter and grandson live with me. Your parents are doing better than I would. Your husband needs a list and do it. I'd go bonkers if I were your parents. You're lucky.
My family moved into my parents home, bad choice....
Reply from
AES123
on Feb 15 2017 at 01:11
Member since: 14 October 2016
Hey there. I think I may have replied to an earlier post of yours in regard to this situation? I'm not 100% sure but I think it might have been you :-) Sorry to hear things aren't getting better quite yet. I know you are in a challenging, tough spot, as is your husband and your parents. You all have a very full plate right now as you share the same home. Rest assured that anytime several adults are living under one roof, there will be disagreement and tension at some point. Sometimes more often than not.

I have read what some of the other folks have said here and I agree with several pieces of what they wrote. Your parents are certainly kind to invite you guys to stay there. I am sure you are grateful and I would never suggest that you are not. However, I would maybe have a little sit-down meeting with your parents (and you and your husband) on what the expectation should be while you're there. Sometimes it is just a matter of putting some ground "rules" down on paper and everyone expressing how they'd like it to go. Have you talked with your parents about your concerns? Maybe you have already.

You did not say your husband is unwilling to help, only that he is not that helpful. I see hope there. I like the idea of giving him a list of things he could do to help you out. And even encourage him to let you know what you could do for him to help out. It's all about communication, although I realize sometimes it is easier said than done.

Have you thought about getting a part time job? I am not sure if it is an option, but it is an idea. I am sure I mentioned this last time, but if you do not have a church home already, it is a truly wonderful place to start. A church can provide you with prayers, childcare, and can even help you with a job search (you and/or your hubby). A church is a tremendous resource and from there you can gain such peace. I promise. I have gone through difficult times in my own life and talking to God and asking others for prayers is what got me through. One other resource for you...A group called MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers- you can Google them). They meet twice a month at local churches around the country and while moms get to visit, have breakfast, hear parenting speakers, etc, the kids are in childcare with very loving people in the room right next door. It is FREE and wonderful. It is a way to get out, make some connections with other moms, and meet people who will pray with you and for you. I will be praying, too :-)

I know you are feeling frustrated, but talk with your parents and your husband. It sounds like you have a loving support system there and everyone is just feeling a little cramped. I see a lot of hope for you guys. Truly. You can do this! I know it! God bless you on this journey, friend.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?