Obsessed with ex-flame's Facebook page
15 years ago I had a very hot but very short relationship with a man I had met at a previous job. It ended because he moved away which was his plan before our relationship started. I have a very fond memory of this event because I was very attracted to him and I pursued him aggressively. We both walked away happy. For a couple of years after that I sort of kept track of what he was up to but lost interest.
I moved on. I got a new career, because mildly famous locally and very well respected. My libido disappeared about 5 years ago. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, had major surgery, was eating everything in sight, gained 30 pounds and had no interest in dating anyone. No worries, everything else was going well and I was happy to still be alive after the operation to remove a few organs.
I'm in my 50s. In the beginning of November of 2016 I was thinking about something and my old flame popped into my head. I couldn't even remember his name. However, I eventually did. So I did a search on Facebook and found him, and boy did I find him! This guy is the champion of Facebook. He puts up maybe 10 pictures a day at least, describing every little thing that is going on with him. His profile is completely public, I haven't friended him. Did I mention I was really good sleuthing on the Internet? Well I am.
Okay, I really don't want to tell any of my friends my weird little problem here but this is getting ridiculous. I am glued to his Facebook page. As a Christmas gift to myself I promised I wouldn't look at it anymore. That didn't help, I obsess over him. I know I don't want him back. I feel really smug that since I knew him in in the early 2000s he's been married three times and has a child with a 4th woman. He's moved no less than 15 times. He looks stressed, and doesn't hide the fact he is unhappy. If I want to talk to him all I have to do is friend him but I don't seem to want to do that.
This man is not for me, he's way too impulsive, way too much of a narcissist. But I can't stop looking, reading, I've been copying his pictures and saving them in a file. What is wrong with me? My libido is back in a big way and my appetite has finally left me. I don't want to admit to any of my current friends who respect me that I am thinking all the time about this guy from 15 years ago. The two friends I had back then that knew the details about him are way out of my life by now. This is embarrassing. I think I need to have sex. I hate this yet I am weirdly addicted.
Can somebody give me some advice? Has anyone else gone through this?
To me, it sounds like your body is remembering the romance you felt back then. And it is healthy and good to feel that kind of attraction. Use it. Get yourself how you want to be. You don't have to contact this guy unless you want to. You aren't doing anything wrong. His profile is public. Who are you hurting? You aren't even hurting yourself. You said you are feeling better and taking control of your appetite. All good things for you. Use this to move forward from the struggles of your life.
Remember who you once were. You were this passionate person that had a romance with a guy that was full of life and dreams. You are still that person. He may be different, but I think your stalking his page is really about you remembering yourself back then. How fun that was, right! Find a way to honor the you that wanted him so badly, and the you that you are now that finds him not your type. And then go out and find some fun. Be happy. You have done nothing to hurt anyone, so nothing to be embarrassed about. That's how I see it.
Thank you beepond for the kinds words. You made me see this an entirely different way. Back then I was a different person than I am now. I haven't exercised the romantic part of me in years. My relationship with this man was a lot of fun. And, hey, he IS putting all his business on the Internet publicly, I'm not doing anything wrong.
After I wrote the above post I kept on rereading it because it made the issue real for me and I am no longer keeping it a secret to myself. I realized I really needed to talk about this so yesterday I explained everything to a good friend, it took me four hours as my friend asked lots of questions. My friend agreed this is probably a hormonal issue, my body is continuing with its healing process. It was nice to show the man's FB page to somebody so they could see the challenge.
I guess I'll continue lurking on the page as long as I wish, until I get bored with it. In the meantime my plan is to add more friends and posts to my personal Facebook page and maybe start socializing more. I've been in this house two years nursing myself back to health, it's time to get out.