Super sad story.. advice would be nice
It's my fault by in large, for the way things are now.
I understood they were shot from early on, but I thought I could, in a godlike manner, simply will things to be as I may have wanted..
That was 7 years ago. Six of which my partner and I have been raising our son together, in an FHA home that's falling apart..in rural Minnesota.
First impressions right?
That's how I was taught. That a beggining decided the when and how, of an end..
So this is how it started, how it began.
We never had a honeymoon phase.
I was renting a trailer in the seedy part of town, and my friends and I basically partied for 6 months straight, while I worked for my mother as a PCA to afford booze and bud.
About two years before, we first met. She was quiet, and pretty, and I believed that it was a girl like her, that would make me happy.
Fast forward. I'm back at the trailer. I had lots of people over all the time. One was actually dating my partner at the time. He basically had sex with her twice, then treated her like a toy. To
the druggies, and delinquents, she was seen as one of them because she drank, and a prize in a way. I noticed this as she came to drink at the trailer the first time.
Thus, I began texting her. I was oversweet, too romantic, too wishful. She was miserable, and was aware she wasn't valued by Taylor, the kid she was with.
So...and as tragic to my mind, to my life, in hindsight,as a fatal prognosis......I invited her over to spend the night.
She broke up with Taylor, her druggie bf, and agreed to come over the next day. Almost as tragic as the invitation, was it's acceptance...
Now..Taylor wasn't her first sexual partner. My friend, and a decent person ,Dustin,had taken her virginity at a party we both attended several months before she let Taylor have her.
Dustin tried in his way to pursue that relationship..but he too was caught up in our towns constant drug epidemic at one time, and did little to invest into it. So, they broke up, months before I ever saw her at my place.
Dustin basically lived with me, helped me keep the party going.
So..I invite Jenna over as I told before. Just me her and Dustin that night.
It really seemed to me like she kept trying to sit near to Dustin, and avoiding me as the night went on..
Now, I didn't ask her out, I asked her to come and hang out with us..and I never told Dustin that I wanted her.
But I felt like she would come over and be all over me, the way other girlfriends were with their boyfriend .
And I utterly believed that was her plan after all my romantic attempts to have something normal, and real..to come over and BE with me.
Like I said, we were flirting...sweetly...even the night I asked her over to hang. It was supposed to be a hint, but whatever..I guess she didn't get it, or didn't care enough. But she came over..
I try to sit near her, even just so we can talk, which she isn't good at anyway..
So, she keeps moving away, and I became embarrassed, jealous, and upset. I felt like I invited a skank over to purposely degrade me..like a nightmare..
I go to my room, tell them to crash, and I went to bed....very upset. Full of hatred. I don't like to feel disregarded that way, after I had opened my heart up to this woman.
I didn't like feeling like Dustin had a hold over her, especially since he took her virginity very unceremoniously..I felt there was nothing special left for us to share. I was ready to wake up, and tell her to leave.
The next day, my house is full of my friends again as I wake up. People coming and going..Jenna getting ready to leave.
My friend and roommate Erica, then comes up to me.
I'm not sure what your question is.
It seems like you still like Jenna. Go scrounge up $10. Ask Jenna to get a cup of coffee with you at a nice coffee place. Buy her a nice coffee, whatever she wants. Then sit down and very calmly tell her how you feel and how you envision the future for the two of you: Friendship, romance, etc.. Then listen to Jenna's response. Do this while the both of you are stone cold sober and not hanging out in a trailer with other people.
Jenna can tell you how she feels honestly. Even if it doesn't work out well you are only out $10, you still get a coffee and you know where Jenna stands. Win win. :-)
This is a awesome story, I like to read this