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Sunitha

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Relationship advice HI... How I want to explain I Don't know. But I have not find any solution to my problem. I Truley loved one guy whether he was loving or not I don't know. my parents were fixed a matching in our relationships. I Informed to the guy I loved but he is no more listening to my words. He just said your life your wish.In that situation i was just lost my self. my parents are arranging everything for the marriage. what I should tell to my parents. I even not told that this I don't want. they also even not asked whether you like this marriage or not?? I just sit like a toy In the marriage. after thet I informed to the one I married thet I already loved one guy. Then he felt very angry. after so many disputes between his family and my family. so many discussions are also happened. I also called the guy I loved and said all these things happen. He even didn't like to listen my words. He is very careless.we were together for 4 years. That time i realise that what opinion he is having in his heart.I was just alive that's It. I have a confusion that he cheated me?? So many disputes are happening between us but what i should do I did n't get. I was married in 2015. Approximately one and half year is passing but I was not in relationship with the guy I married. now he came to my home and asked my parents to send me. parents asked me the decision. I Said i will go. but not heartful. we faced so many disputes how I can be with him for a life time. One day He also used his hand on mine upto midnight 3 clock. Currently Iam working in a private organisation. If I will go can I Be there. my parents are worrying alot about my future. what decision I have to take I don't know. with this problem I can't concentrate on my professional career also. Iam feeling very sad. no one is with me to give the support. please suggest me in this regard. I have less time to implement. I Have so many dreams about my personal life and professional life.. But today I lost my utmost dreamed personal life. Please suggest me. I have not get any solution to this.Please.............

Sunitha

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You must solve this yourself. Your parents will not help. This other man is not helping you and he does not want to get involved.

You must not stay in a marriage if the man puts his hands on you in anger. Tell your parents he is an abuser and you will not spend your life with him.

Come up with another plan.


Sunitha

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I am a bit lost in your thread to be honest with you, I think it is partially a language barrier on my part to understanding some of the things you are saying (but that is my fault, nothing to do with you needing to express yourself) so please don't take it in a bad way, its just one of those things. its good that you are reaching out to get advice.so I hope you can get some good advice here from someone.

but despite my confusion, I think it might be worth you talking with someone professional if you can or if you are Asian then someone from your culture who might have a better understanding of the problems you might face and the consequences they could bring might help you if you speak out of town or something. could you go to a mosque or temple in another town and speak to someone there? would that be possible or help you or would you still be frightened someone might know you and say something?

there are lots of places you could get help or at least look for it these days and if you keep trying to get that help you might find the people you need to talk to, to help settle your fears and give you much better advice than I can.

is there an anonymous person or organization you would be willing to talk to if you feel anxious or scared.

ultimately your parents need to know if you are not happy and it sounds as though you need advice on what to do if they still are not accepting of your situation or if things turn nasty within the family in anyway.

it sounds as though you have a strong cultural influence in this situation that is also troubling you, if can, maybe look online for suitable helplines or online forums for Asian females who may have had similar experiences.

if you cant handle a meeting someone to speak to then maybe if might be worth calling a helpline or arrange to see someone out of your area. if marriage is a cultural expectation for you and you don't love this man then you must try to tell your parents one more time that you are serious. if they are part of the pressure you are feeling because you are still their daughter and I'm sure they would want you to be truly happy, wouldn't they?

if they are unhappy or angry or disappointed, then wouldn't they feel even more upset or embarrassed if you went into something and regretted it or wanted to split up later on. (if splitting up is something that is even allowed in your culture). then you need to find out from people who have been there how they coped.

if you feel in danger or are threatened or harassed in any way about this, then you need to think if this might be a matter that should be discussed with community police(in your local or another area)or the authorities or religious teachers/elders that could help advise you, or would C.A.B. or some women's aid or Asian female network groups have a number that you could call or know of a contact that is confidential and has a trusted professional and anonymous reputation.

I'm sorry if this doesn't help you in the way you hope or need, they are just suggestions; and I am a bit confused as to what the full story is. but good luck with it anyway. :-)

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