Struggling after rejection from a close friend
FUGNUK - Jan 22 2017 at 01:20
Hey there, So I've been searching for forums where I can find advice for a while now, I've made many topics but I don't seem to get any replies so I thought I'd stop by here and give it a try!
So this is a tough one for me to talk about, but I just need to hear what people have to say and hopefully find the correct path.
So the beginning, I've known this girl for a long time, we hung out, play video games and talk for hours every day and we still do play together. In October we got closer, and I told her that my feeling for her were intense and she did the same. So we dated for a while, we were both happy, happier I've ever been personally. We have fantastic communication, we share some of the same interests like swords and history and of course video games. Just after new year she seemed distant and depressed so I asked her what was wrong, cutting a lot out because I'd be here forever. After a couple of days talking on and off about problems we're both having with our personal lives she decided she just wanted to remain friends, but yet... she still tells me she loves me and never wants to cut contact. When I heard that I broke. I got depressed, heart broken and just lost my way. Stopped going to the gym, I've just lost all motivation I had.
Yesterday I had to tell her that I still loved her and I cannot let it go so easily, she said it's a very hard choice for her but she doesn't want us to be anything more because she doesn't want to lose me to typical relationship issues. I fully understand how much I mean to her but I just don't know what to do next. Right now, I'm giving it time. I will not be pestering her about the subject now until I know what needs to be done. I've asked a friend about it but he tells me to remove her from everything and cut all contact which... I cannot and I will not do. Even if we're not dating right now she still helps me through a lot of shit. She makes me happy.
Does anybody have any advice on how to handle this? As I said, right now I am giving her time and I'm not going to push it. Do you think this is the correct thing to do?
If you need anymore information, I'm an open book.
She is trying to be nice, but is really being mean. I feel like she is trying to have her cake and eat it, too. Please let me explain. She enjoys you. But she wants others as well. Or at least she wants to be open and available. She is not ready to settle down. She gave you about 3 months there, Oct to Jan and for some reason decided that it wasn't for her. I am sorry this hurts you, but at least you found out after only 3 months. She is wrong to still be telling you she loves you. It's confusing you. She cares for you. As a friend. But to love you, can not be. You don't do things like this to people that you love. I'm sorry.
You are young. At least I feel you are from reading this. And that makes it so hard, because for you these feelings are so new and fresh. You smell coffee stronger when you brew that first cup of the day- as the day goes on it's not as strong. You smell flowers strongest when they are fresh and newly cut. Puppy/Kitten fur is softest because it new. And for you, this pain and love is strong. Because it's new.
Depression is a normal chemical reaction to certain stimuli. Having your heart break can trigger it. If you can't manage the symptoms, get medical/professional help. If you can, get your friends to help you. Don't want to go to the gym- tag a friend to make you. Don't want to go and do your normal activities- tag a friend/family to help you. Not her. You can still be friends. But you have to separate from her and let this wound heal before you will be able to be around her without it damaging you further. Like an open wound. Put a bandaid- space- between you two and you will heal quicker.
This is how I see it.
Bee happy. Good luck.
Thanks very much for the reply, it's a huge help and always nice to hear what others have to say.
I'm quite young, 26. Though I've never had many relationships. Well... none actually apart from this. I guess that's why it's messing with me so much as it's the first physical relationship I've had. I'm just going to take a break from her. Stop playing with her for a while because every time we talk, the feelings just get worse.
I do wish to remain friends, but I just gotta let it slide. After past experiences I told myself dating was not for me, I've been let down so many times and defeated, emotionally I cannot do it anymore. It's as tedious as job interviews, having to tell people about yourself all over again and again and again, it's just enough now. I'm putting it to rest for a long time if not forever.
I appreciate what you say :)
So I just found out she has met someone else.
I'm not dealing with it well right now.
I'm just going to cut contact and move on.