Spouse drinks to much
My wife has a slight drinking problem. Not an alcoholic but just can't control how much she drinks when we're out with friends. We can't go out and just have a couple beers or glasses of wine and enjoy an evening. It starts out as one beer that gets drank immediately, not chugged but rapidly drank swallow after swallow. It's like compulsive, it's there and I have to drink it. Then she needs another one. Can't just sip and enjoy it, nope, has to consume it cuz it's there. Anout the third beer she's getting intoxicated but denies it. If I try to get her to slow down, she gets defensive and belligerant. Now it's up to 5 or 6 beers and she's loud, belligerant and nasty. We fight and argue about it and go home. Next time we go out I try to get her to control it but it never works, another spoiled evening because she consumed too much too fast and will not stop. She usually apologizes the next day and says she won't do it again. Always does. This is very frustrating. She refuses to get help or counseling as she is convinced in her own mind that everything is fine. What do I do?
Tell her straight to her face that she's an alcoholic who binge drinks which then changes her personality and causes issues with you, her husband. You can call it a slight drinking problem but if it's causing hassles then it's becoming a major issue. Pay a visit to your local Al Anon or get in contact online, to get an idea of what and how alcohol, when abused, affects the people closest to those who abuse it. You're experiencing it first hand now but it's up to her to control it and it's up to you to decide whether you need to wear it.
It's not how much a person drinks or when (coughing syrup can kick it off, or it could be once every 5 years)
It's how alcohol affects a person.
Your wife IS an alcoholic. Please start attending Alanon meetings. Get educated about alcoholism and about how your behavior changes living with it.
PS Were any of your parents alcoholics?
Take a video of her when she's intoxicated and let her see it the next day.
Yes, she has a drinking problem. That is classic the pattern, drinking the first incredibly fast then one after another. You need to address this quickly and firmly. My husband is an alcoholic and I've dealt with fifteen years and trust me, it only gets worse. He's gotten very bad this last year and just recently lost another job because he got drunk and called in sick and was off for over a week. Now he's drinking because he's so upset from that but it's all nonsense and excuses. I swear if I could go back in time I would have walked away then. Now I'm handicapped and on disability and it's a true nightmare for me. So, if she doesn't take this seriously get your ducks in a row and get out. It won't be long before it escalates, it almost always does and usually quickly. Don't accept this and say this is it.
Does she drink much between these nights out you have? And if so is she the same way at home? It would be good to look at her drinking patterns before labelling her an alcoholic. From the sounds of it , because you've only mentioned her drinking in social settings it sounds as though she has some sort of social anxiety and she drinks to overcome that. It might be worth looking at whether there Is a reason for her feeling insecure when she goes out.
I agree that drinking this way is the beginning of a behaviour that can really start to get out of hand but it's very hard when someone doesn't want to admit they have a problem and harder if they're reluctant to seek help. Perhaps if she's unwilling to listen to you there are friends or family members that could try talking to her. I think it's important she talk to someone as I think there's more going on beneath the surface and that's why she's behaving this way.
I believe SusieDDQ said this with great insight. It is how alcohol affects them. I believe getting to Alanon would be helpful also. I understand she might also have social anxiety, but her way of handling it if that's what is happening is unacceptable. Get yourself to Alanon and you're halfway there to hopefully getting this resolved - good luck also.