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At the end of my rope with my lazy spouse

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My fiance and I are 28 and 29 and have been together since we were 16. He used to be really motivated to get things done. He worked long hours but still spent the weekend working in the yard, cleaning up, etc.

He has completely changed. In 2011, he lost his job. He was understandably bummed and started doing a lot of sitting around watching TV instead of helping around the house. Well, fast forward to now and his bad habit has stuck around. We've been remodeling our house, floor to ceiling for over two years. I have done 90% of it (tiling floors, tearing up the old carpeting, installing wood flooring, mudding and taping drywall, scraping all the popcorn off the ceilings, painting every surface of the house, building kitchen cabinets, and on and on and on). I have spent my last two summers working on the house alone. One day, I got so upset I started crying. I was trying to tear up the carpeting in the living room but it wouldn't come up. I am pretty strong but I am only 5' 2", 108 lbs. I asked him for help and he was too busy watching TV and he left me to do it alone! He felt bad afterward and apologized but I still can't believe he did that. I ended up falling a few times while tugging and finally got the carpet up. Then, I removed the dozens of staples in the subfloor alone.

If I ask for help, he gets a sour look in his eyes and will reply something to the effect, "Well, not right now. I need to make phone calls for work" or "I was hoping to just relax" or "We'll get a bunch of stuff done this weekend." We have gotten into multiple fights over his lack of helping. It isn't all about the remodel, either. I do all the cleaning and laundry around the house. His job is to put the recycling on the curb on Wednesdays, and take the trash and compost out. Most of the time, he doesn't do it. I have to tell him multiple times that the trash is overflowing etc.

His eating habits also drive me crazy. He has lost weight just because he won't eat consistently. He doesn't prioritize it. Then he leaves the house and gets fast food later in the day. It drives me crazy that he won't take responsibility for feeding himself and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and get to a healthy weight and stop eating unhealthy fast food all the time.

Also, he doesn't have to leave for work until 1 or 2. Instead of spending the morning eating breakfast and preparing for his workday, he sleep until 9-10 a.m., leaves the house without eating and watches TV until he goes. Some days he eats because I make him breakfast and some days he does work from home before leaving. Most of the time, he just sleeps in and watches TV.

Meanwhile, he has plenty of energy for things he enjoys. He will wake up bright and early to go hunting or play golf and plays cards with his friends once or twice a week.

It feels like he doesn't care to make an effort to help me finish the house, and doesn't care if I'm happy or not. I don't want to feel like a mother with a grouchy, selfish teenager.

Here's what I want:

*Wake up at a reasonable hour, like 8 a.m.
*Start eating breakfast and lunch at the house, before work
*Follow through when he says he will do something
*Don't lie and pretend you did something that you actually didn't do
*Help with the remodel so we can get it done. I have it mostly done.
*Pay attention to the trash and recycling and take it out
*Quit smoking. He started smoking knowing I hate it. It's been two years and I'm still waiting for him to quit.

I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable. If he can't do these things, then he isn't the guy I want to marry and spend my life with. I won't settle and then end up in an unhappy marriage.

He's not all bad, of course. He's great with our puppy and two rabbits. Gets me little presents all the time and is sweet to me.He is so helpful with my schizophrenic brother and my dad, my brother's caregiver.

I just can't take the laziness anymore.

At the end of my rope with my lazy spouse

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It sounds like you both need to really communicate right now. I'd be sitting him down & be completely open & honest about how you're feeling. The most pivotal part he has to be made aware of is;
'If he can't do these things, then he isn't the guy I want to marry and spend my life with. I won't settle and then end up in an unhappy marriage.'
You are being very straight & honest about it. And weather he agrees he is or isn't lazy, you are saying you don't want to marry him as he is currently. He must make the decision from there.

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