I have been married to a wonderful lady for the last 8 months. Before getting married we dated about a year and a half. We have both been married before and both have children. When we first started dating we got along great but we never really got very passionate. I was a little baffled by this but she told me the last relationship she was in she jumped into bed too quickly. About a month and a half after dating a lot we ended up having sex. It ended abruptly and was not all that great. She told me she was worried about getting pregnant. Over the next few weeks we had sex a few more times and it was okay but not very much passion. She would occasionally cum but not always. I asked if she ever had a problem in that area and she said no. For me it was strange because I had never run into that either as my partners usually had at least one orgasm if not multiple orgasms. Everything else was great though and I was falling in love with the woman I was getting to know.
After about a month into our relationship where we were getting physical she told me she could not stop thinking about her ex-boyfriend, this was directly after we had sex. I was devastated but told her it was okay and at least she was honest with me. I later found out though I believe she was still having contact with him and I even believe she was still having sex with him after her and I started having physical contact. With that I told her I was still interested in dating but I was going to start to see other people. She had told me she wasn't really looking for a "label" as in a boyfriend so thought it was all okay. I went out with a few different women but I could not take my mind off of her. I told her before I "put all my eggs in someone else's basket" I would be fair and let her know. I ended up having oral sex with one of the ladies I went out with but couldnt help but feel like I was doing something wrong so it ended there. A couple of weeks later my wife then girlfriend told me she was ready for a boyfriend and of course I was excited.
Looking back and finding some things out she couldnt stop thinking about her ex and was still talking to him while we were dating for sure. I'm pretty positive she was also still sleeping with him from time to time and that is why she didnt want the "label". Bottom line is I believe she really liked me but wanted him more. When he was not able to commit to here though she made a choice to be with me exclusively. So as we dated we fell in love and I think she is an amazing lady. Even our sex life was good for a little while and we would have a little passion from time to time. Then all of a sudden she got custody of her kids pretty much full time and our sex life and passion took a big hit. Eventually though I ended up proposing to her as she promised we would work on that area of our relationship and I was content with that. Now we have been married for 8 months and have not spent one night alone together. The other day we went to dinner for the first time alone since we got married. Since after our 2 day honeymoon we have lost almost all passion. She does not like to kiss or fool around. I on the other hand love to fool around and always want to make love to her. If it were up to me we would have sex 5-7 times a week. I feel that she would like it 5-7 times a year. She never wants to talk about sex and I almost always have to work really hard to get her in the mood. Occasionally i will wake her up by undressing her and we will usually have sex then but regardless of how it starts it is usually without passion on her part.
She has never once since we have been married told me she is in the mood or initiated sex. She doesnt give oral sex, at least not to me or ever shown any kind of sign she physically desires me. We rarely passionately kiss and only occasionally kiss good night. She has expressed we have sex too much and that I pressure her for sex too much. I will occasionally masterbate in bed and she usually ignores me instead of offering to help. It makes me feel like a freak to to that. The other night she was rubbing my back in bed while i was sleeping and woke up. I was shocked she was touching me, then she proceeded to tell me she had a dream she was having sex with a guy she had a crush on in school. Obviously that deflated me as I felt the only reason she was touching me was because of her dream. It ended up not mattering though because even then she was not in the mood to have sex. That weekend I ended up blowing up. I'm working out of town in las vegas and had to leave early in the morning. I woke up and felt in the mood so I started masturbating because she could not have sex as she was on her period. She woke up and simply gave me her back. I started thinking if I was someone else or she had passion or desire for me things would be different. I was upset and left and she knew I was upset. That was a couple of days ago and we have hardly talked since. She knows what my frustration is and has known from past but doesnt seem to care. I love her very much but I'm not sure our marriage can sustain zero passion.
Has anyone else had any similar experiences or does anyone have any advice? I believe my first step will be to seek a proffesional to speak with when I get back home in a few weeks.
There arre two things happening here. First, women's libido declines as soon as she has a commitment. Google "why women sex drive declines after marriage".
Second, she's not over someone else. She's making do.
This will never get better. Tell her you are might need to find a friend with benefits since she has no passion for you and see how she reacts.