Is it time to go?
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He is a drug addict and also uses alcohol addictively. He went to rehab a few years ago and managed to stay clean for a year but the first sign of any stress and he was right back to drugs. It's been the same ever since. It's like being with a Jekyll and Hyde character. He's extremely paranoid and delusional and this can kick in at any time for no reason. Hes abusive towards me during these times and accuses me of the most ridiculous things. Other times he is the most loving man in the World. It's got to the point now where I'm so stressed its made me ill long term. I'm scared of him and can't trust him. I've managed to persuade him to reapply for rehab but I've got to the point now where I just don't know what to do any more. I feel exhausted. I love him and have supported him for the whole of our relationship, taking so many knocks yet standing by him because I know he's ill. The spitefullness and bullying has to stop. Do you think I should end things. How do I recover from all this stress? I've done everything I can so do you think it's best to call it a day now.
You can support your BF but you can't cure him and basically you never could because there's a fine line between helping and enabling an addict. There's also a fine line between being selfish and looking out for yourself first so you can be there when needed and if 5 years of being there has exhausted you, then you need to step away completely and start focusing on your own health and well being. You can't take care of someone else if you don't look after yourself first and you're no good to anyone, including yourself, if you're worn out and stressed.
Yes, he is ill, suffering from a disease, but if you need and want to support him, then you need to realize that the bullying, abuse and the manipulation will never stop. It's all his effort to get on the recovery road and stay on it but you don't have to be there if and when he does this, and especially at your own health's sake.
I have never been in this situation but I believe that love is not supposed to make you exhausted. It's not supposed to make you scared.To love is to trust, so if you can't trust him, I don't think it will work.
However, if you really do believe it's love, maybe you should straight things out with him. Call a therapist and seek help from professionals. Get yourself a rest.