Having nothing to look forward to...
I'm 24, was a popular kid in school. Never mean to anyone though. Always modest.. but I know I'm an attractive, funny and well rounded guy. I don't have a girlfriend, kids, or friends. I do not go out because I'm just not into the bar scene although I can play it like I love it. I'd rather be actually doing something adventurous but no one seems to want to hang out with me. I work four 10 hr shifts so I have 3 days off. But Sunday I'm always at the end of my "what will I do with my life?" Loop as Monday comes. And then of course work is terrible because I really don't want to be there. Life just happened that way so I have nothing to look forward too.. which has led me here..
talking to people is hard because no one can compare to my lifestyle. I'm just very sad when I know I shouldn't be.. I help the most I can with other people so for once I'm asking y'all because I need it. I'm ready to worry about me.
And please feel free to be as comfortable and open as you'd like as I can take positive criticism very well. And also please feel free to suggest your own problems as well. I love helping any chance I get. Thank whoever writes on this back.
AND WHOEVER YOU ARE..
when you do write, please put some thought into your reply.
I'm not literature smart but i have a great sense of how the world is and how and why it works. Again with the humbleness. But basic things about me that whoever would need to know..
I feel for you. And I can identify with you. I am also very much the type to not go out, and I often find myself without people around me. Like to have a 'circle of friends' I don't know what that's like. However, I do now realise I have done this all by choice. I am roughly 10 years older than you, maybe this is why I have the retrospect. You know, I am just at my happiest when being comfortable at home & the friends I do have are very dear to me & I have known them for over 20 years. I don't see them often but when I do, we pick up where we left off with no issues. So basically, i have made the choice to be a homebody and to limit my social circle but there was a long period of time where I couldn't see it for what it was. There may be a little bit of that with you? Just because you don't hit the party scene & you don't enjoy it is no problem! In fact, I find that very sensible & mature at your age.
Now when you say you want to be doing something adventurous, I think this stems from you being in a bit of a work/home/sleep rut, and you crave something more in your life. Have you thought about travelling? Maybe something like one of those group tours of Europe kind of thing... you go for a couple of months; see amazing sites, new cultures & make friends for life with the people in the group you travel with. I honestly think this will bring you a renewed lust for life & also close bonds you long for.
From your post, I gather you're very much a thinker. But this can also work against you because you think a lot & you analyse & dissect things where it pushes your mind into a deep & lonely place. Now this is an excellent trait to have, it just needs to be used carefully. You can't get too stuck or lost in your mind, you also need to take in all the wonderful & interesting things around you, and also learn from others & their experiences. In other words, let go a bit & just enjoy yourself & life.
Do you think time away would be something you need? How cool would it be to just do it.. be a bit spontaneous & jump in & do it? Break the boring old routine, go discover the world & yourself. You will come back so enriched, you will be ready to take on work life & your personal life in a whole new perspective.
You are young, and you're whole life is ahead of you with all kinds of wonderful possibilities waiting. Get excited; fill your life with moments you can tell your grandchildren about.
I wish you all the best.
THIS WAS SOME GREAT ADVICE and thank you so much for that. I have thought about traveling.. a lot lately actually but I'd be so hard to get it done without losing the job I have now( which I worked so hard for) and money isn't too much of a problem but I'm not rich by any means so with that being said, how much are these trips? How long are they? And where could I find the details about that??
And yes I'm very much of a deep thinker almost feel like I'm caving into the question on the big question we all ask, "why are we here?"
I've been doing a lot of studying on religion and other cultures and why and what they worship. Those cultures are not stupid like most people in America will say. And either are we. Off topic but anyways you are right it is also a curse because i always end up thinking at the end of the day wanting to tuck some kids into bed and be appreciated of the hard working active gentleman I know I am and continue to grow greater. But to the right woman.
And there's where it boils down too. I'm full of sonmuch of the positivity and life but it cannot be channeled correctly and it breaks my dang heart at times. Going to bed in my clean room silently and so on. You get the idea.
Thanks a lot for your reply. You have helped out a stranger's life more than you could possibly imagine.
Also if anyone else has anything to say be open please. I have just recently made this account for this reason..
You are so very welcome.
In regards to your job, I understand this would make you pause.. you, as we all do, need to take work into consideration. Let's say you don't go travelling in order to keep your job... what good will that do for you? I always say, 'the human is more important than any job'. And your job doesn't sound as though it's giving you much.. you still feel you have nothing to look forward to! As you say, you are hardworking, you sound intelligent beyond your years.. You will find another job. Who knows, it may be an even better position than you have now. You may even end up working abroad, imagine going to Australia or England on a working visa for a year? I don't want say any more on that because I don't want to push you in a direction your not comfortable with.
Oh yes, the 'why are we here' question. Note that most people do turn to religion when they ask that question.. for a reason! We all instinctively know God is our Heavenly Father. The best advice I can give in that respect is don't get caught up in all the 'religions', just pray with an open & sincere heart & get to know God's word by reading the Holy Scriptures. There is nothing more profound.
I've absolutely randomly came across this website while thinking of a business idea and your problem was the first I've ever read.
I feel for you mate, I'm 24 too and I don't really have much of life either, 9-6 shifts for 5 days a week. I have a girlfriend which is 13 years older because I didn't see any sense in dating girls of my age who only think of the next guy to move on to(not that I'm ugly or whatever).
I do in fact identify myself a bit with your situation, even though I have a girlfriend and I can go travel with her or just have a simple chat but there's something more I'd like to do. Just not sure what, I got plenty of different skills but my job always holds me back as obviously everyone has bills to pay and money doesn't grow on the trees(well, at least not outside the American Federal Reserve).
I'm looking for that perfect business idea so I can quit my job and head towards my dreams of building my own business and automate it so I can enjoy my life anywhere I'd like by simply managing my business from a laptop. That was the reason I came to this website to get people's problems and find solutions which may potentially turn into a profitable business.
Regarding your situation Steve, I'd suggest you to get out of your comfort zone as much as possible. By which I don't mean you go get absolutely hammered in a bar if you don't feel like it.. What I mean is on those 3 days off a week you have, wake up as early as possible, fill a bag with clothes for a couple of days and go on a random visit somewhere. Get yourself a book about something you've never heard before and read it. Basically explore new horizons. I do know the motivation for it will lack at first but what do you have to lose?
Just remember that everyone here on Earth is here for a reason, find yours, and do NOT stop until you do matey.
Wish you all the best.
Hey Stevee. I'll try my best to give you a genuine reply here, since it seems like you will really appreciate it. At the same time, I'm not sure I have the best possible answer to how you can fix your life.
I can relate to your situation. I'm 28, on the way to becoming 29 this year. I used to do the 4-days-on, 3-days-off thing for a while, and went to school (albeit, a lousy one), but for about a year now I've been back to the regular 5-days-on, 2-days-off. My job can get depressing sometimes, but I've been there for several years now and I guess I feel like the positives still outweigh the negatives. I try to hold onto whatever positives I can find, since I've had far worse jobs over the years and so far this hasn't been as crappy as any of those. It's not a dream job, I guess it'll just do.
One thing you can maybe try doing, is change to a different shift at work, or try a different position. I gave both things a shot. At the end of the day, I guess I was happiest where I was before. But, maybe it was still worth changing things up for the added perspective, and to find out what I did and didn't like about the other side. The longer you do it for, the more you come to understand the workings of your workplace, and the more you start to see where the problems and issues arise from, lol. A change at work can help if, like me, you hate job-hunting and like some things about your employer. Who knows, maybe you'll come to the conclusion that you like a different shift or position better?
You say nobody can compare to your lifestyle... Idk if that's true. I mean, maybe it's possible you're kind of separating yourself too much from everyone else. I managed to make a few good friends, and quite a few decent acquaintences at work. It might be that you're just not finding the kind of people who you can really connect with and hang out with outside of work. I felt like I had some better friends on my old shift, while it seemed like people on the other shift already had these cliques or were difficult to be close with because they are more independent. At the same time, you kind of have me thinking of this one manager where I work. He is nice and all, but can be rude sometimes. He has this personality and way of looking at things that clashes with mine a lot. Outside of work, he probably has nicer clothes than me, and is more social with others. He's the type of guy that might have a beer with me once in a while, especially if my other friend is around who he gets along with better. He is not the type of guy who I can see myself talking about my life to, or making plans to go do things with. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong, but it's possible that maybe the way you're carrying yourself, or the personality you have, makes you more or less compatible with certain types of people. I know for a fact that I am a difficult person to be friends with, and to a lot of people I probably seem boring, but I try to be a great friend to my closest friends.
A big thing here that I see as an issue, though, is that you are just going to work and coming home, and going through the same motions week after week. I am guilty of this too. But every once in a while you have to shake things up to have the opportunity to meet new people. I'm not saying go to a club or something, but you can try that if you'd like. Try going and doing more things you want to do, and try to encounter like-minded people. Go to stores and places where you want to go. There is no guarantee you will make friends that easily, but at least you will be going and doing something different, and maybe you'll feel better for enjoying yourself. And maybe over time you'll make a friend that way.
It is scary trying to approach people. I know of a handful of people at work who, potentially, I could become friends with. But my insecurities prevent me from taking that extra step - I often tell myself in my head that things will never go anywhere and we'll never hang out because of our schedules, or because I will be too weird compared to them. But who knows, maybe someday I will work up the courage to do so. Maybe there are people like this in your own life, who you haven't given enough thought to talking to. I will say, there is a person who I've tried to be friends with for a really long time now, and they make it extremely difficult - never wanting to hang out or join me to do anything. But they are even still polite to me, at least. I guess people either want it, or they don't. And maybe to other people, I seem like that person - maybe I seem that closed to them.
Sometimes in life, you have to take matters into your own hands. When my friends were busy and couldn't hang out, and I was getting lonely being single, I kept trying to meet girls through online dating. It is a very soul-crushing experience. But I did go on a few dates that way, over the course of a year. The other month I ended up going out with this girl and we spent a couple of weeks at each others' places. It didn't end up going anywhere, she kind of stopped talking to me. But for a few weeks I had a fantastic distraction, and sort of my own "thing" to look forward to at the end of every work week. There's no harm in trying to find something like that for yourself. At the end of the day, I don't regret it. Everything is a learning experience.
Hope that is helpful, something I wrote in there at least!
I'd like to personally thank you for that response.
Although, it's not my job that I hate. Actually, my job is something that I love. I love building puzzles and working with my mind and hands all together. To be in the elements of nature, sweating my ,,, off or freezing cold. Puts u out of the cozy zone. I started there (fabrication) as a helper and they grew me into a beast there. I was hungry for information and still am.
What I'm saying is they(management) have helped me more in my life than I could ever thank them enough for and the owner comes to work every morning at 5am and he's a multi millionaire with an iPhone 4 lol
The job I love because I am not just one thing. I can fit things together. That's one job. If I'm tired of that, I will weld them out, if I'm tired of that I can go blast and paint, and so on. You can't have that anywhere else. Or it's rare. I have a huge sense of appreciation for this company so it actually makes it so much harder to leave. AND THEY GIVE US An employee appreciation every Tuesday.. all while paying us all very decent. Again it's so hard to leave.
In my heart I know I have too. Something at least.
There was this quote that stuck with me a few years ago,
"The average man dies at 25 but doesn't get buried until he's 70."
See what that resembles.
Thank you again for your response. There's much more to life then money and settling.
Thank you ALL for your responses. The time out of people's lives to help someone so random shows the gold in our world that cannot be bought.