Older, recently divorced and wow things have changed
VESTA - Jan 28 2017 at 11:32
I recently divorced after 28 years with my ex-husband. The divorced was caused due to his infidelity and emotional abuse. His emotional abuse caused me to quit a very well-paying job. I have very low self-esteem and trouble doing things by myself. My life revolved around him and the kids.
I am still trying to start me life over and make sense of everything that has happened. I did not date much prior to my ex and have only dated three men since my divorce. I am currently dating a man that I work with, although we are on different schedules. I am totally clueless to the dating scene now and have pretty much decided that if this relationship does not work, I'm DONE!
We went on our first date in July, 2016 and it took him four weeks to ask me out again. I had gotten to the point that I didn't expect him to even ask me out again and went on a date with someone else. He finally did ask and we have been together ever since. He is in his late 40's (as I am) and has never been married and does not have children.
My problem: Our relationship seems to be moving at a snails pace (a sleeping snail at that)! I met one of his brothers and I was introduced as his friend from work. He was extremely hesitant to acknowledge me as his girlfriend at work. We meet up at a park; I have never been to his place and he has not been to mine. I have introduced him to some of my family but I'm reluctant to introduce him to anyone else.
The fact that we work at the same plant seems to be a problem and I don't know what to do about it. His ex-girlfriend of almost 15 years works on the same shift as he does and they share a dog. I am very attached to my own little dog, so I totally understand that this dog is important to him and he gets visitation to this dog. She seems play with him about getting the dog though; she will tell him he can and then not be home. I am trying VERY hard to not say anything.
I have had several guys ask me out at the plant but I am not interested, as they only appear to want to conquer a goal. Many of these guys are only in their 20's and tell me that I do not look my age. Well despite that, I am the age I am!
I have been having my insecurities about the relationship with the guy I'm with. I see everyone else around me moving forward in their relationship and I'm almost 50 and sitting in his car, at a park, 12 degrees out .... because he doesn't want to come to my house. I have a feeling he still lives with his parents but I don't know that for sure because I haven't met them?? Mine are deceased.
Yesterday, I have hardly heard from him all day. I decided to go out to a local place that I went to after my divorce and hang out. After not hearing from him most of the day; I let him know I was going out. It took all I had to go out; I feel socially awkward but everyone says they don't see that about me. I have a real fight with myself to go out and it's only because I have to prove the ex wrong. One of the last words to me is that I would fail.
Anyway, after he found out I was going out! He kept me on the phone so I talked while at my local hangout. I finally found out why he was so upset. Apparently, two guys came up to him in the morning when he got to work and asked him if he was dating me. He told them yes and they said a couple guys wanted to ask me out. I told him that I have no intentions of going out with anyone else. He said that isn't the first time this has happened and it just gets him upset.
I have decided that if this relationship does not work out; I'm totally DONE! Relationships really suck and social media makes it worse. I had deactivated my Facebook prior to him and I dating because I was being harassed. I activated it in late December and I must say that going on his site and seeing hundreds of pictures of him and his ex can be a little sad. But, I DEAL with it and try not to let it get to me. Then I get this little attitude from him because guys tell them they want to date me???? I'm lost and confused. Is this relationship worth my time?
It must be quite scary be dating again, and living life independently from marriage & children. I am very sorry you were emotionally abused & cheated on by your ex husband. It's not your fault. HE is the one with the issues, and he is the one with low self esteem; that's why he must take others down with him (he can go get help for that). But you are fortunate to have a fresh start to find the happiness & love you so very much deserve.
Now, from what you describe with your boyfriend; I find his behaviour very cagey & secretive. To put it bluntly, I think he's hiding something, possibly a few things. I don't know what exactly but my first thought was that he's a bit of a player, like he is seeing someone else. I just find it strange to meet at a park! Maybe when you're 15 but that's odd.. why isn't this man even taking you on a date?? Dinner, wine.. treating you like a lady. You obviously haven't met any of his family either.
I get why he wouldn't want to broadcast your relationship at work, that can be awkward, especially when the ex works there. But for him to get mad at you because other men fancy you is a warning sign for me & further reinforces my suspicions of him being a player. His reaction was over the top & put the blame on you. Guys who play women get over emotional about things they themselves would do (like dating other people). The irrational response deflects from that & transfers the guilt on to you. What a load of crap!!
I honestly & truly think you need to cease a romantic relationship with this man. He isn't good for you. This is happening because it is the quality of the man that is lacking & you are settling for it. You may think that's all you should hope for or deserve. NO - you should be feeling excited, encouraged & inspired with your partner. He should build you up & be your support, he should be pampering you & admiring you. And you will be doing the same for him.
Allow yourself to find that happiness. It sounds like you have no shortage of suitors coming your way & I would think you're easy to get along with, so I would see who else may be out there for you. Don't anticipate anything & let it roll out naturally. Stay level headed, enjoy life & keep a look out for that special someone.. I believe he's going to find you soon & your life will be transformed.
Wonderful things will come... just refuse to settle for anything less. When you choose to do that, you've won.
Things have changed and you haven't gotten it. It's dating, nothing else. Dating doesn't involve commitment. You can date as many men as you like and you are in control. Don't sleep with anyone that you don't want to sleep with, don't think sex involves commitment. The thing is, do what you want. It might be better to date away from work. Try a match making web site (match, plenty of fish, etc)