Depression… Story of my life...
I'm 15 years old male. My life was changing a lot. My motherland is Ukraine. I was born in 2001. My grandfather went making money in US and by the time I born he bought our family a flat in ours city center. My father was young man 22 yo and my mom was 21. As all young familys we didn't have much money. I remember my mom cryied a lot. My father worked his hardest, sometimes even illegaly. Slowly but surely he was going to success.
Because of his work, most of the time I was with my mom. Then I went to the children garden. At the age of 6 I went to school and started karate. I made great success in karate. I left it after 8 years, when I was 13. Because I wasn't happy with it. And I wasn't happy in general.
There was a girl that I loved for my whole life. And finally, like 2 years ago she said that she wanted to start relationship with me. But I was too much of a pu*y and just run away… That's one of the reasons of my depression, because I still love her so much, I can't even describe it. But now she's dancing with another man…
In 2015, summer. I wasn't happy still, for a previous reason, I thought I had everything- health, money, friends, family- why can't I be happy? And than - I once went outside and spotted huge floaters in front of my vision (vitreous floaters google if you curious). And that's the point where everything started. I was so depressed after that. I was sitting in my place for weeks and just cry, because I couldn't look at anything because of that floaters. Than other bad symptoms in my eyes appeared because of stress and depression. And I was depressed for year. Tears, sadness, still unhappy, still seeing that girl everyday.
In summer 2016, I still was depressed. I've got bone pain, dizziness. Then me with my mom and dad with another friend family went on holiday to Turkey. On the last day I was feeling kinda happy. Disco, girls, etc. that was nice. Than when I came back. I began having troubles sleeping. I couldn't sleep till 5-6 o'clock. And I got neurosis. My body was shaking, I couldn't sleep, every night I was feeling like throwing up. But docs said I'm ok, only few neck problems, common.
After school started. I started smoking a lot. I became alcohol addictied. When any problem occurs, I hide behind clubs and alcohol. And my parents are strongly against it, and don't even know about my addiction. For example, that girl now dates a footballer. I tried my best to get her. But when I realized there i didn't, I didn't want to solve that problem and try again, no, I went to a bar and drunk so much, I couldn't remember what happened.
So. What am I at the moment? I'm depressed. I'm hypochondriac. I'm still unhappy. I got used to floaters and don't notice them anymore. I'm addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. I'm a weirdo little bit. But I am very handsome. I'm 6"3, muscular, with money, good looking, always expensive parfumes. A lot of girls want me, but not the one I need. And if only they knowed who I am… I'm broken. I tried so many times to get out of all this… My goal always was to be happy. And it is still. But to achieve that goal I need her, I really do.
So that's a very very short story. I didn't want to go into my illnesses, hypochondria, etc.. Any thoughts anyone?
I'm not sure if this will help, but here it goes-
I've gone through depression in middle school and I know how hard it is to get back on track. During that time, I hated the world. I blamed my parents for neglecting me, my sister for taking everything away from me, and even my friends for not knowing what I was going through. I thought about killing myself a lot and basically, it sucked.
But, gradually Istarted thinking that maybe life wasn't so bad. I tried looking at a different angle and stop complaining. I started to cherish everything that I've got. Life can be an asshole sometimes, but that doesn't mean we have to be one. I'm glad I've realised it now.
Anyway, do you believe in soulmates? Because I do. And If you and her are fated to be together, someday, one way or another, you'll fall right into each other arms.