Husband earns all the money while I study...
WEDNESDAYPANDA - Jan 30 2017 at 19:10
I'm 24 years old and married to my high school sweetheart. We waited to get married till after I got my undergraduate degree. We live in South Africa, and before you can do your masters degree you first need to do an honours degree. I finished my honours last year while planning the wedding ect. and decided with the full understanding of my husband that I will continue onto masters this year. Everything was fine until he started experiencing some difficulties at work relating to the financial situation of the company. We have enough saved up to support us for at least 6 months. I'm a scientist and it is important for me to do masters if I hope to ever find a job in my field. As of a month ago, he started referring to the money in our account as his money, and he is always buying everything. I received a scholarship last year that covers all my university fees and I'm using the rest of it at the moment for petrol and other necessities. He makes me feel bad about studying and not working and keeps comparing his hour work to me "doing nothing" all day and expects me to do all the house chores on top of that. My studies take up most of my time, so I'm not just lazing about (I'm at the university the same amount of time, if not more, than he is at work) but because I don't have an income, that automatically gives me house wive status. I feel that I am being bullied financially as I spend as little as possible and work my back side off to get everything done. I feel because we are married, we should both pitch in with house chores and the money should be considered ours, not his. Any advice?
It can be very frustrating when two people in a relationship are not on the same page.
My best suggestion would be to pick a night that works for you guys to just sit down and talk about things. Explain to him how you're feeling about school, home, and life in general. Try to use the "I feel _____, when _____." approach. When we point the finger at our loved ones, it can (okay, usually does) lead to a fight.
He may or may not feel like sharing at the same time, be patient. It may take a while, but most of the time the other person feels more comfortable sharing when someone else takes the first step. But as long as your feelings are being heard and explained, it will make it easier for him to understand where you're coming from. That way you guys can start to get on the same page, and hopefully keep an open and honest relationship.
Best of luck!