Left my husband of 24 years, not sure i made the right choice
FELLINGLOST - Jan 31 2017 at 16:23
I have been with my husband for 27 years, married for 24. I left him 2 weeks ago due to what I feel is a pain pill & alcohol addiction. My husband feels the problem is me... He tells me that because I do not show him love and affection he turns to alcohol and acts crazy. How d I know if the problem really is me?
I echo that - go to Alanon. Read the ACOA book perhaps... and read up on codependents. None of these "labels" make you bad in ANY way. Your heart is sweet and kind (as far as I Know because you have responded in this way) BUT --- I'm hoping you realize that you deserve to NOT be blamed or condemned for what is HIS problem. There is being a supportive spouse and then there is being an enabling spouse. If you've tried to get him to see how his actions have consequences in a proper way, that's all you can do. Our loved ones sometimes must hit bottom before they realize how they affect us - and themselves.
The problem is NOT you, FELLINGLOST (feelinglost?). I don't have to know you to know that is the truth. We ALL come with our baggage when we get married. Everyone. BUT we never get to blame someone else for our own baggage. Never.
My husband tells me most if not all our problems are my fault, too. He makes a good argument for it. I know that's not true, though. It's hard. It's so hard. I don't have answers. You are in my thoughts.