Beam me up scottie because my like sucks down here
I am a 49 year old woman who has been in a relationship for almost 5 years. When we met everything was great, as it always is, although he was twice divorced, had more baggage than out local airport, drank like a fish and was very broken. I myself had my faults and baggage and lots of faliures but we worked on each other offering the love and support I thought would build a stable relationship that would take us into our twilight years, who wants to die alone right? We used to go away on weekends but also just enjoyed staying at home on weekends chatting , cooking together and all that. He stopped drinking so much and life was wonderful. But now the two of us hardly talk to each other anymore because we just end up yelling and screaming at each other so you can imagine how much full it is in our house right now. He suffers from a thyroid disease and becomes very depressed, blames all his problems on this disease that I am sure millions of other people live with everyday, we have been back and forth to many different Doctors and he even had to be circumcised due to his illness but I have always been there for him no matter what. He is on a heavy dose of anti-depressives and a sedative to help him sleep at night but is always unhappy, It gets so bad that I look forward to him falling into a drug induced sleep every night so that I don't have to talk to him. he pays no attention to me anymore and I ignore him as much as possible. Why are you still with him you ask? Well idiot here left her high paying corporate job to help him save his failing business, stupid right? Now I depend on him for everything and believe me he never lets me forget it. I know that at the best of times and in the best of relationships it is not a good idea to work eat live and sleep together so we sat down and discussed the matter, it was decided that I would work from home Mon - Thursday and go into the office on Fridays to give him the day off, well that did not last for long, now I am always in the dwang because I don't go into the office enough. When I do go into the office he complains that his Wifi and telephone bill have gone up but I have all of that at home and I pay for it myself, so what the hell does he want? I can do nothing right in his eyes and am so depressed that I yell and scream at everybody even my poor four legged furry babies who are the love of my life run away from me sometimes.
I am so depressed, just want to sleep all the time, I have been to the Dr thinking the dredged menopause monster had possessed me but all my bloods can back normal so why do I always feel so sad? I cry if the robot turns red at the wrong time. I have never been this unhappy even when my sister who was 35 years old committed suicide on the 1st of Jan 2016 high on drugs and alcohol having had enough of a very controlling relationship with a older man. My only friend, because my partner does not socialise or like being around other people, so we never go out anymore and nobody comes to visit us, is my sister-in law, my partners sister. I spend a lot of time with her and chatting to her because she is in the middle of a messy divorce after finding out her Husband is cheating on her so I try to support her a lot because she has got nobody else that she can confide in, and then my partner gets all upset with me because I spend so much time with her, well if he was not so controlling and selfish and offer her just a little support I would not have too!!!!!
I have created this beautiful garden with a pool and a koi pond built in my Sisters memory and I love the house but I don't think I love him anymore, but what do I do? Start all over again from scratch with nothing, common law marriages not recognised in this part of the world, or just suck it up?
No you don't have to suck it up. You need to get back control of your own life and realise that you are a person with something to offer. He is dragging you down. Don't let him. Get some counselling. Get back in control of your job. Get out to work every day and socialise with the people at work. Re-build your self esteem and start liking yourself again. Please don't put up with this sad, controlling individual.