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Don't want to leave, not sure I can stay

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Emotional advice So I did write a massive 1300 word post on this but then the website told me I hadn't filled out the sections, made me relog and now it's gone and I really don't feel like writing 1300 words again so I will go for a shorter version.

I moved in with a friend in August 2016, partly because I wanted to move out of my parents house partly because she broke up with her boyfriend and couldn't afford to live anywhere alone. To start with everything was fine, then she got back with the ex boyfriend, they were on again, off again and I had to repeatedly support her through the heartbreak until it was finally done with in December.

Now I should point out we were friends for almost a year before we moved in together, over the course of the months we've lived together it's developed for me at least into a family type love, not a romantic interest, she says the same but what she really feels I'm not sure.

We had one argument during that time, she didn't speak to me for a week and then exploded at me when she came home and found a pot she wanted to use still dirty, the reason it was still dirty was I'd just used it and it was still hot, it quickly transpired that she was angry with me for a whole bunch of reasons.

After the argument I talked to her about telling me when I annoy her rather than bottling it up and then exploding at me because odds are I didn't even realise I'd done something wrong, I also asked her not to go silent on me for long periods of time because I know something is wrong but don't know what and she won't tell me so I worry about it but don't get anywhere. She agreed that in future she'd just say something at the time.

For a couple of months this worked out fine. She then went home for Christmas and came back having rekindled things with a different ex boyfriend and told me she wants him to move in with us this summer. Now I'm not really comfortable with that idea but I said I'd consider it but wouldn't agree to anything until I'd met the man, this is made more complicated by the fact that he lives in another country at the moment.

Anyway since then everything I do is wrong, I ask her how things she said she wanted to do went and I get accused of telling her what to do. I ask how taking the cat to the vet went and I get told that I don't understand that things cost money. She asks me for advice about her boyfriend, she takes that advice, it causes an argument and now she's excluding me from everything. All of these things are accompanied by the silence and then exploding which is exactly what she agreed not to do. And also when she goes back to normal there's no talk about what happened she just acts like nothing happened at all.

So yesterday was the worst thing yet, every Tuesday night we watch a show that comes out that day and have dinner together, instead of this she came home 2 hours later than normal without saying a word, brought one of our friends home. had planned dinner with him without either of them asking if I wanted to join them and they both ignored me completely when I went downstairs to see them. I don't know how she convinced him to ignore me too since he and I have been friends for about 4 and a half years longer than he's known her.

Now whether or not this should've hurt it did, I left without another word, drove 25 miles to a forest I used to go to a lot as a kid, took a 40 minute walk in the dark and the rain and then went for a 95 mile drive because driving at night when there's little or no traffic relaxes me.

I don't know what to do, I'm getting quite upset at being constantly wrong in whatever I do, and almost constantly either being ignored or shouted at but I don't know what to do about it.

I have considered leaving in August when the rent contract is up but I do still love her (like family remember) so I don't want to upset her, also she'll be back in the situation she was in last year where she can't afford to live anywhere if I leave.

I guess I just want some unbiased opinions on what I should do, if I'm over reacting etc. I'm not going to get unbiased ones from my friends or family.

Don't want to leave, not sure I can stay

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It's not your responsibility to ensure your friend is happy and has a place to live, rather you need to look out for yourself. If your living arrangements are the cause of your stress because they way you're treated by your housemate, then you need to move out and find other accommodation. Yes, it's all good to love her as family, and respect her, but her actions tell you that this respect is not being returned to you. Going by your post your friend is always going to be difficult to live with because she has the same difficulty with her other relationships in life, and basically, she doesn't know how to communicate properly.

It's all OK to put yourself out assist someone else with living arrangements but if it turns out to be a detriment to you and your emotional health, then it's not worth the trouble.

Don't want to leave, not sure I can stay

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It's hard living with another person, but remember: She is your housemate - you two are not a 'family" in the sense of what you mean (growing up together.)

Accept that both of you are out of the parent's nest and now you both need to be independent and find your own way. That means living like two friends - parallel growing - with each having other people come in and out of your lives. The house allows that to happen. The house is not insulated from outside influences.

Expand you own life. Get outside friends. Entertain at home. Create you own spot. Don't depend on a housemate to entertain you. And you must allow her to do things without you doing them for her, so she can turn around and yell at you.

In short, put some healthy distance between yourself and your housemate.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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