I went for an abortion and now I wish I could take it back
EMPTINESSX - Feb 7 2017 at 14:01
I'm a normal carefree young lady who is only 21. I love my Boyfriend so much, we are literally madly inlove. One week ago I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked, I'm only 21 and he is 25. Didn't have a full time job both of us and I wanna still pursue my studies. Everyone around me told me to abort this kid, I felt a lot of pressure but I knew it would be my desicion in the end. My Boyfriend was supportive at the beginning but I Guess after awhile it scared him? I cried every day every single day, thinking whether I should have kept this child or not. Everyday I cried, Everyday, cause I wanted my baby so much. My little baby was growing, the man I love Abd me made a child and it was growing inside me. Beautiful gift of god. But what killed me was that I wouldn't be able to give this child the life it deserves, or maybe I was just selfish? Maybe I wanted the easy way out since I already have an internship at a brokage firm and I didn't wanna jeopardise my career. After contemplating so much my Boyfriend said we can't care for this child and give the support he needs we need to let go. I was hurt. Cause I thought maybe just maybe I could give it a shot. Then the day of the abortion cane, two days ago. Reached the clinic was very sad. Saw the doctor and then I saw the ultrasound, I was 5 weeks pregnant, that tiny ultrasound with my baby in a sack. I just wanted to keep that child but then I remembered my Boyfriend saying let go of this kid. I got in the surgery room and before they put me to sleep I had a tear fall down my cheek as I thought to myself and touched my womb ' mummy will always love you'. Next thing I know I woke up in the bed in pain, then I realised I didn't have my baby. I didn't have my kid. I cried. I felt so empty. I wanted my baby back. I immediately regretted desicion. Like why did I allow anyone to tell me I couldn't do it? I can! I can! But all I need to do is work extra hard! Now I feel empty, I can't seem to live with myself. Please help me. I don't know what to do. Another baby won't make me feel better, I killed that child of mine. My baby, my little kid. How could I do that. I want it back. I don't know what to do. I love you so much. Why did I think this would be easy.
Oh luv...Ive been there..4x but now i have 3 beautiful children. I still have guilt about the 4x and I pray alot about what I did and wonder if they are in heaven or have been reincarnated. Only we know this deep pain.
Do seek comfort in the fact that you will one day be more ready to have another child.
In the meantime to deal with the pain, spend time with children who dont have parents or are neglected. Give them the love you want to give your baby.
But be rest assured you are not alone.
If you are religious, ask God to hug you in forgiveness.
Sending you my hugs too luv
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this feeling. You are not alone, there are many other women out there who are facing similar experience, and I'm sure help is available for those who seek. Here is an information that might be helpful to you: http://bit.ly/2ktojco.
Teri Reisser's book titled A Solitary Sorrow: Finding Healing and Wholeness After Abortion is a good read, too. You may also wish to check out AbortionChangesYou.com, as well. Prayers and hugs!
All of this is good advice it has been 20 yrs for me. It I I do not regret it, the man I was with was vile and it would have ruined my life, I have 2 wonderful boys who light up my life, I do wonder about the innocent little soul but I know god had a plan for it and that hopefully it ended up as someone else's miracle, I have to believe this or I would have ended up in a dark place, u will never forget but you must forgive yourself, goodluck and be gentle with yourself