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Why does it still hurt?!?

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Relationship advice I have been with my husband for going on 6 yrs. When we met he told me he had a child that was 4yrs old with a female he was in a relationship with for 5 yrs, he also told me he was expecting a child just in one month with a female he was never in a relationship with and she means nothing to him. He was a great father and would do anything for the little girl he already had, but he warned me that the mother of the other baby soon to come was crazy and we would have problems with her in the future bc she has done something cruel to him. He told me that he told her he did not want no more kids, he told her he did not want to be on another child support bc he paid his child support on time and never miss a payment. He did not need another child support deducted. This female was a loser who was a nobody in life never had a job never had a car never had a place to call her own. She needed support SO with that being said, she watched her ovulation, without him knowing and went to his house one night for a party made sure he was good, drunk they had sex and (SORRY TO BE BLUNT) but when he was cumming he told her, well he being just shy of 130lbs at the time and her being almost 300lbs locked her legs around him and held him inside her to let him cum in her and BOOM they weren't friends no more she got pregnant(I am not telling a lie I seen in text with my own eyes her telling him she knows she forced a baby into this world on purpose, she cant help she locked her legs around him, bc she wanted a baby) Fast forward, she after the baby came became obsessed with him stalking him and using his baby against him, saying she didnt like me and the only way he would be able to see the baby is if he did this,that, only come to her house and alot of mess..... for the first 10 months things was okay he was telling me he loved me and we'd hold hands, doing the lovey stuff. On and off I would find him talking to different females on FB or on text and he would always keep his phone locked. He started treating me like I was a nobody and just a extra income bc he had 600 getting taken out his check each month and sex when he needed it. We lived together from start, he would talk to females about sex, send pix, talk to the on the phone for 2-3-4 hrs while he was at work and ignore my calls or text. THEN what broke the camels back was he cheated on me with this baby mama that screwed him over. I went through so much, with all the female sexting the leaving me to go to other females houses to stay the night, the letting his family treat and talk to me like I was trash, letting them break us up for weeks at a time bc they hated me..... I had it all.... BUT for some reason I held out.... I was not desperate bc I am beautiful and I do have a nice body so I was not desperate by all means. Now fast forward to 2015 I got pregnant with our son, his first son and it was like a SWITCH went off in his head he got rid of all social media sites, he changed his number deleted all the people (females) out his phone, gave me passwords to his email, saying I can have his phone any time I wanted to check it. He asked me to marry him, he treats me like a different man, he buys me gifts flowers, we talk none stop, we love like no other, he apologizes every five seconds for what kind of person he was to me for 3 yrs. We got pregnant again in 2016 had our second baby.


BUT we get his oldest daughter every weekend, her mother and I get along great. The other daughter, is on a visitation plan and we have been getting her for 3 yrs every other weekend, WITH EXTRA bs from mama like her trying to break us up still, taking his child from him, I HAVE TO SEE THE FEMALE THAT MADE MY LIFE HELL EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND NONE STOP IN COURT BC SHE IS MAKING MY HUSBANDS LIFE HELL.

I think seeing her each and every time brings back all the hurt my husband caused me in the past with her and the other things he did and I can't accept his apology and I argue with him over it still and cry bc I dont know how to move on when I am hit in the face with it none stop seeing her. I always stand by my husbands side thats why I go where he goes bc he does for me!

Please help me, how can I let it be the past and stop hurting now 3-4 yrs later. When I am happily married and got 2 beautiful babies and blessed family!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does it still hurt?!?

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If he really did 'flip the switch' and became this amazing guy then I'd say it's probably resentment that your harboring. Also, anger at yourself possibly for taking him back under those circumstances. You said that it was the son that made him change his ways so you are also feeling a bit unworthy. 'Why didn't he change for me'? (perhaps)

I would take the time to think about how you are really feeling. Then ask yourself, meditate, pray (whatever you do) what it will take to release your feelings. Resentment is the worst, like cancer just eating away at you and your relationship. Communicate your feelings to him. He doesn't need to apologize anymore. What can you guys 'do' together to strengthen your bond and heal your past hurt.

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