I need advice on how to go about my situation
I am a 20 year old. Both of my parents passed way & I took in my sisters. 12, and 17. I moved out when I was 18 I've had to grow up pretty young. I didn't leave because I was a rambunctious teenager my mother had a drug problem and she kicked me out. So there's a little history behind that. My problem is the 17 year old sister is turning to drugs to help cope. (My mom shot herself in front of her about a year ago) I understand that that's hard for her. And I'm also hurting too. I don't know how to talk to her. I want her to be honest with me about what's going on and she isn't. Instead she sneaks out. Does drugs meets up with guys way over her age behind my back and I'm at a loss. I can't punish her. I mean she's 3 years younger Then me. I just need some advice on what to do/ I'm a kid trying to raise a kid and it's all so hard. I want her to talk to me I want to be happy again & she's pushing me to the point where I don't even want her in my house anymore.
Hello, for the sake of my advice imma call you Sally and your sister Beth.
So hello Sally, I want you to realize you are not alone firstly
What I think you should do is talk it out with Beth.
Many great conflicts begin with a lack of communication.
I would advise you to sit down face-to-face with Beth. The first thing out of your mouth should be "I Love You".
Far too often kids do not hear those three words enough, this is why they turn to other emotional outlets.
Take Beth out for ice cream, tell your concerns to her, say you don't want her to turn out like your mother.
Talk about life with your sister.
If you have taken them in legally, you are also legally allowed to punish your sisters. You are their new guardian.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, but tell her that you will have to punish her.
DO NOT KICK OUT BETH!
You must avoid becoming like your mother if you did not like her.
I really hope I helped you.
I agree. You had to grow up quickly. What comes through is how the death of your parents is affecting both you and your sister and a realization that you could benefit from help and advice.
Share, with your sister, how you are feeling. Encourage, but don’t insist, that she share her feelings with you. Do this frequently. Tell her that a Dr. named Kubler-Ross saw, that when someone died, their family members went through the following stages:
1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
Where are you on that scale? From your description of your sister, I think she may be in stage 2- Anger.
Look for groups that support families dealing with grieving and drug abuse. That may be your church or another church in your area. It may be a social service agency or counselor in your area. Focus on the Family 855-771 4357 or http://www.focusonthefamily.com
will provide a one time free, over the phone counseling session. They will also help you find someone who can help over a longer period of time. Another good source is The Christian Counselors Network: Locator. Their computer based listing will help you find someone in your area to help you and your sister with both the grieving process and the drug abuse. You can contact them at (800) 232-6459 or on line at https://ccn.thedirectorywidget.com/
I will be praying for you.
You are their guardian. Soo, set down reasonable rules and punishment. Get them both responsible for their behavior and don't let them off the hook for feeling sorry for them or making excuses for them.. Especially the older one. They should have rules, chores and structure. No, it's not easy. I wish you luck. My daughter is now in her thirties and I thank goodness she turned out well, but I can't imagine doing it again. Parenting is not easy or for the faint of heart.
I understand your frustration. You are in a really hard spot. You iust made your own life work out and now all of this happend. You sound so mature for your age and it saddens me because I know that you have paid a heafty prife for that.
I can only agree with ROOTED316 about seeking help. You have just grown up, and under hard circumstances too. And from the sounds of ityou have been the responsible one all your life. Normally, in their twenties people have a period of freedom. They are free from their parents home and free of expecttions and responsibilities. It is a carefree time when you focus on you and the rest of your life. My point by saying this is that. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE! Even normal parents feel overwelmed, and quite often too. When you have other people loving and caring for your children it takes away a lot of the stress both for you AND for the child since both of you have other people to turn to. It gives both of you a greater sense o security.
Secondly, you are only 3 years older then the oldest one. Treat her like an equal and chare your strife, your successes and your failiours with her. Encourage her to do the same with you. Hopefully you can be a team together building yourself a better spot in this world. The youngest one should definitly be a part of this team so be sure to include her in these discussions, though make it clear exactly what you need from her to fullfill the team dream (ex not get into trouble, passing school etz). Do not expect your sisters to be on the same page as you as uou start this. They were still living at home when this tragedy happend, and they have other things to process too.
About the 17 year old. I think it is vital that you can get through to her. Maybe you can just start out by being there when she seems upset despite doing drugs and so on. After you gain her good attention you can start talking about both of your experiences.
I whish you the best of luck. You did it before and you can do it now. Whatnyour sisters do with your help and support is on them.
Hi! How are you and your sisters doing?
I would first talk to her and then get her some help. This is above your pay grade. You are only 20 and you still have to live your life. She will be an adult at 18. Have patience with her and try to find a program suitable to handle something like this. If you try to handle this on your own you will resent her because you were taking care of her and not living your life. Praying for you both..