been arguing with my husband over a number of things. he got a letter from a car loan company he pays out to each month and also a missed call from them on his phone. i asked what they wanted and he said it was nothing just rubbish. i knew it was them chasing money because he had no doubt missed a payment and that was why they were calling him up. they only get intouch when it hasnt been paid, it was for £349. so he lied to my face about it then he admitted it was from them and chasing a missed payment and why should he tell me cos what can i do about it. i said after 21 years together he should be able to tell me even if i cant do anything to help and its to do with trust so hes not keeping things from me then i checked his history on his private phone. he as one for work as well. i noticed there were sites from facebook, twitter, yahoo messenger and one for the new york times which he as a account with. he said he doesnt know why the facebook twitter and yahoo were there but he as a account with the new york times because our son had been looking on the site. the phone belonged to our son ages ago but my husband as had it for over 4 months now so our son hasnt used it at all and he as left home so he cant have. my husband as always said he doesnt use facebook twitter yahoo messenger because hes not into it yet there was the history on the phone saying it had been looked at. also with the new york times you can have a email account set up so im wondering if he isgetting emails sent to that account and keeping things from me because why would he be looking at a new york site when we live in England. why is the other sites on his phone if he hasnt been on them.
Wow. Congratulations to both of you for being together for 21 years. This truly is a wonderful milestone. Because of this, I am wondering why he thinks you cannot do anything about it? Personally to me, being together for this long I would presume that either you guys have stayed in the relationship out of laziness or another reason but really shouldn't have OR you have learned to work well TOGETHER. If it is the latter, then why all of a sudden does he not think together you can work it out. Do you know your finances well, or even just the basics of what comes in each week and where it needs to go.
I feel there are 2 separate issues here - 1, finances and payments being missed and 2 - trust or distrust.
The 1st issue of finances SHOULD be easy to solve by sitting TOGETHER with bank statements from all accounts and income from the last say 3 months. By working TOGETHER methodically you can work out where the money comes in and where it goes out. If there are discrepancies that you didn't know about you probably will after doing this. Either you can then sort the issue or it may open another can of worms ie gambling problems etc
The 2nd issue is a bit more complicated. Has there always been trust issues or is this new? Only you know the answer to this.
Deal with 1 issue first, I feel the finances, this may then help with the 2nd issue.
I'm sorry I haven't really given you a 'solution' but this is the way I would go (hubby and I have also been together 21 yrs) and I would really need more info on the trust thing.
Be methodical with the finances and good luck!