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She's still in my head

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Relationship advice So 3 months ago my ex and I broke up.(the reason for the break up was a miss understanding) since then my ex has moved on and I have moved on.. except that I haven't moved on at all and I'm still terribly in love with her. We haven't talked since we broke up but I think about her everyday. I've kept all of these feelings to myself until now..Just want to know if I should say something to her or not.

She's still in my head

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this is not as straightforward as it initially seemed reading the first half sentence of your problem: as we only have a small amount of information about why you broke up in the first place: and for all we know your "little misunderstanding" may have actually affected others more deeply than you know or cared about at the time? and/or may have had more of a far reaching consequences than you are willing to admit to us? (only you know that at this moment); so apologies to you if it was only a trivial matter: but as you see, without the proper facts we are left to guess what is going on, and that never does anyone any good...hence the miscommunication that added to your break up in the first place!

my first thoughts based on what I usually feel about telling someone you like them is, if you really want them you have to tell them, however there are no guarantees that they will want you now, but you will at least know you said what you needed to say and got all of this out in the open to them: but as I said this is a (first) reaction and is not all that I think on this matter.

if you do decide to speak about how you feel, it should NOT BE BEFORE YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO YOUR EX, AND YOU and HE/SHE ARE WILLING TO AND HAVE AMICABLY (or mutually) BROKEN OFF WITH THE OTHER PEOPLE YOU ARE currently SEEING: AND KNOW FOR CERTAIN THAT YOUR EX IS genuinely PREPARED TO commit to you, break up with their partner for you really really FEELS THE SAME way; enough to want to make things work with you on a deeper level than just going down memory lane or waking up to the fact that the grass wasn't greener etc. people's feelings have become involved now and 3 months is a good enough time to know that you want to move forward with a new person to give more of yourself and start to feel more of a relaxed and open in their company and to want to think about planning new things with them.

it's only fair for the others involved in this (if "FAIR" is the right word for messing other people around!!!).

and of course it's a no-brainer keeping your options open whilst you find out where you stand and is doubly not fair on the other partners involved.

so if you want to do this then I think you ought to be willing to take the gamble of things not actually working out the way you hope and breaking up with whoever you are seeing so you at least are making a clean break and are single and ideally they will do the same for you (your ex that is).

To put another hypothetical problem to you, if you do get them back, how long will it be before another situation arises in the future where you both fail to understand each other)!

you say your ex has moved on, but you perhaps ought to look at the broader picture here, not just a selfish picture for your own needs, and ask are they happy with the person he/she has moved on with, and if they are, is it fair of you to even be going down this road? (my questions to you are more thought provoking than definitive) it isn't really for me to say what you can do not knowing you or those involved, but as you have asked for peoples thoughts then I hope I am giving my thoughts for and against as little snippets to open your thinking as it has mine on what first seems such a basic question; (and I am sure you will have thought about all this kind of stuff already, hence you posting your question to the forum).

the problem with this small and seemingly simple post is that there are so many things in this situation you have not said!

I wouldn't recommend you saying anything if your ex is really happy with their partner. would you like your current partners ex wanting her/him back over a small mistake or whatever reason they came up with?

if it is meant to happen then your ex will decide whether they can realistically see themselves with you again. you are exes after all!

was it all so good or are you forgetting the bad stuff as you are now realizing what you let go?!!

if you made a mistake, then that suggests poor communication at the very least, and though there is nothing too wrong with that at times and we can all communicate poorly when emotions or crossed messages are involved, but this is now a situation where others are involved too, and wanting to be with someone doesn't automatically mean you should now or will get to be with them.

but something tells me if you feel as strongly about this person as you seem to suggest then you will probably end up letting them know anyway.

whatever happens, it sounds like there are apologies due to someone in all of this, maybe for more than one person if you do decide to share your feelings with them. so remember, if you are so desperate to get your ex back then maybe you should start with an apology and leave the communications at this stage at nothing more than that.

good luck, but without knowing more I am not sure whether I am for you saying anything or not, just try not to set your hopes too high and just remember 3 months is quite a bit of time in terms of letting a mistake go by without proper resolution!!!! or being able to discuss things properly! and also bear in mind as you are only thinking about what you want out of all of this; that your unhappy actions may actually break someone else's heart who also feels that they are establishing a stronger bond and starting to get to know someone new that they are finding much deeper feelings for!

but communication is a lesson for us all in so many things and situations and I guess you never know how good or bad you will be until the situation arises, and judging from so many social media problems, there seems a billion and one people out there who in spite of knowing they are in the wrong, still chose not to communicate properly or fairly with others, never apologies when they know they are hurting or humiliating people, or are too swayed by the opinions and or gossip of friends or family who may be giving advice with a hidden agenda or bias for/against one person or another without also knowing the true facts of the situation.

only you know what you will probably do for sure, and it will be interesting to see what others on the forum have to say about this matter. but at least you have a starter view to get you on the way, and hopefully others will add their thoughts too so you get some new ideas on top of this post.

if it were me, I would want to know and want to say how I felt: but NOT at the expense of someone else's happiness or just out of a selfish or jealous or nostalgic romantic rose tinted glasses.

be honest with everyone involved, realistic with your own motives and more importantly be kind; because part of the truth (i suspect in all of this) is that you may well have probably already hurt different people surrounding this situation already - knowingly or otherwise!

also bear in mind that you are writing this now, valentines day was not that long ago: could that be another factor for reminiscing about the old days? and if so, what did you do about it.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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