Feeling guilty about fancying (sexually) my ex while in a new relationship
Hello, It has been a year and i still can't get over my chemistry with my ex. It is not directly effecting my new relationship but i do realise i have some residual feelings for my ex, who btw was a married man and it was a polyamrous fucked up shit. My new boy friend is everything a woman can want and even sexier and great in bed. I just want to know if i am never gonna get out of this or time will heal it. I hate feeling like I am cheating on him when i am not even thinking about my ex consciously but during sex , it just comes out of the darkness like a ghost. Is it abnormal? Should I see a doctor?
You are NORMAL! From what I've learned, from my experience and others experience, we do tend to think of exes until we fall in love again (or for the 1st time). Not lust, new relationship puppy love etc but true hard core adult LOVE. Even if our ex was abusive, unkind, or just a fling. When we finally get this love we let go.
Give yourself a break. We have memories that aren't like a computer hard drive that can just be deleted. When true love happens you will find the peace you seek. It may take many relationships and many years until you find 'the one' but when you do you will realise you no longer think of your ex as you do now. Your memories of him will change.This is called being human.
Have patience and don't concentrate too hard on the past. Take what you learned from that relationship to learn what you want or do not want from the next.
Look forward and be proud of the knowledge you have gained.