I lost my journal
I'm a kid.
I have it easy.
One day I'll grow up and tell my nieces and nephews to enjoy their childhoods while they still can because taxes suck.
I'm sorry Auntie, but I really can't deal with being a kid right now.
Everything I do is because of hormones, or because I 'learned it from my friends', and "oh honey it's a phase. You'll get over it.".
Because I'm a kid. How can I possibly be thinking rationally about my feelings? Oh yes, obviously, it doesn't matter, all kids go through it, she's just being moody. And everyone's trying to tell me you're on you're phone too much, you aren't living properly, your generation is a problem.
Why does it being a phase make it any less valid?!
You all must know how it feels to choke down crippling insecurity and your internal voice telling you you can't wear shorts because "nobody wants to see that". Because obviously, "you remember when you were a kid".
It's not a fault I'm putting on anyone, I'm not saying that I'm mad at anyone for it. It's just the need to be taken seriously. Because what's that like? I can't even take myself seriously half the time. Yeah, I can't keep my mouth shut, I don't have a problem expressing my frequent little girl existential crisises to anyone. But it's always followed by an "lol" over text or a rude joke to myself.
I hate hating myself and I hate how I refuse to stop. Because "I'm just feeling bad for myself, all 13 year olds do it."
Maybe I am.
I hate being a kid because I think I know everything but I don't. Because it makes me think I should be able to do things that I can't.
I hate being a kid because I wait for everything to happen, maybe I'll wake up feeling good today, maybe I'll be pretty when I'm older, maybe I'll be the way I want to be. I hate it because I don't know how else to deal with things. Because I'm a kid. I haven't achieved anything, I haven't had the chance to get up and fall down and see what it's like to DO something.
I hate how it's all true. How it's a phase and I'm young, and hormonal and it's stupid too. Because you're all right. You've seen this before and I'm just another one of them.
First of all it really 'sucks' not to be validated. And although things will change many times in your life doesn't mean that your feelings aren't real now. I'm going to tell you what I would tell an adult because I think if people your age would start this now, the world would be a better place.
Try meditating. And don't think of it as a chore. When you're upset just go to a place that makes you happy and sit quietly. You don't need to be religious to have a sense of peace after you meditate.
I think what you're doing by journaling is a great release too.
Know that your feelings are valid Sometimes reframing to adults in their language helps. Say Mom, dad, (whoever) I know you've been in my shoes so you know my life will change a lot but I'm living in the present not the future and right now, I feel_____. If you could just understand that and listen it would really help me a lot.
Thank you! Growing up is something I don't want to take for granted, and living in the present is something I think I should do. Because that's all we have, right?
I hear what your saying, and I can understand why you're so frustrated, I went through the same thing when I was your age. Adults can be so adult about everything. The problem is they either can't or don't want to remember what it was like when they were young. There's nothing wrong with you that time won't heal. As you get older things will ease a bit, but don't think that being all grown up is the answer. I for one still think like a teenager, and act like a young adult, and I'm 66 years old. Try to give all us old folk a break, and we'll eventually catch on and give you a break too. On a more serious note, I often found myself thinking about Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12, “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” Be patient, be young, and don't take life to serious; God is not through with you yet. Let me know if there's anything else I can solve for you, God Bless you.
I will try and reply another time as for some reason my computer isn't posting replies properly-!!
You're not silly, far from it-!!