Am I right or am I wrong
SO YOU SAY - Mar 2 2017 at 14:19
A few months ago I got into an argument with a male friend of mine and my husband's. See he got a car off of a very dear friend of mine because I gave my word that he would take care of it. Well he didn't! So I contacted him and told him that it was wrong for him to do me like the since iI gave my word. Well before I knew it this man was threatening to hit me and he stated that he is burn my house down. So I took the messages to my husband to look at. He totally did nothing about it. Even the next day at work my husband ran into this guy and still said nothing to him. Even sat down and chatted a friendly conversation with this man.
Well when I got upset and said something to him his reaction was that I put myself out there for him to talk to me like that. ALL I SAID TO THE MAN WAS THAT HE WAS WRONG FOR NOT STICKING TO HIS SIDE OF THE DEAL! AM I WRONG FOR BEING UOSET AT MY HUSBAND!? THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE HAS LEFT ME TO BE TREATED BAD BY SOMEONE! I HAVE BEGAN TO HAVE A GREATDEAL OF RESENTMENT TOWARDS HIM AMD HE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEOME AM I WRONG OR NOT?
I don't know the entire situation so it's hard for me to give perfect advice, but a few thoughts.
1. It's best when someone sells something to think of it as gone. I understand that the car was sold with the understanding that it would be taken care of, and it's fair to be frustrated that it wasn't. But even in a best case scenario, people have different concepts of what "taking care of" means (I believe that it's regular oil changes, yet let my car get filthy, etc.), so it's best to not worry too much about it and, if you can't stand an object being mistreated, to not sell it.
2. WTF is it with the guy threatening to hit you and burn your house down? That's INSANE! And your husband is okay with this? To me, that's the insane part. Your husband should totally support you in not liking a man who THREATENED you.
I'd focus on the threats vs. the car. The car sucks and I get why you're unhappy, but once something's purchased, it's usually gone. (Baring some kind of contract stating otherwise.) But people shouldn't be allowed to threaten other people.
It's basically none of your business what happened to the car after it was sold because once it's sold, it's sold full stop. Your actions kicked off a reaction which you didn't need. Your main concern should be your husband and his attitude towards your marriage together. He should be supporting you, but you should be communicating to him about how you feel about situations like the episode with the car, particularly when you state that this guy is a mutual friend of both of you.
The lesson is that you can't give your word that someone else cares as much as you do, nor can you expect them to..and therefore you have no right to berate them when they don't.
I am so sorry for the threats made to you. No one should be physically threatened over personal matters such as those you share. I understand not only your concern for your own safety but also your anxiety regarding your husband’s indifference in the matter. It can be very unsettling emotionally, when you may think your spouse is unfeeling for your safety.
Communication (or lack thereof) is generally a contributing factor to conflicts. You may want to first determine what your real conflict is. Is it your disappointed in your husband’s lack of concern for your feeling in this matter? Does he even understand how important this issue is to you? Is it his picking sides (once again) opposing you? Does he really understand your fear for your safety? When approaching your husband about this matter can you demonstrate your own unconditional love for him? If not, then again, the car may not be the conflict, but rather something more personal between your husband and yourself.
Please be open to the potential need to reconcile past differences. I wish you the best and hope to here about your improved marriage relationship.