I realise that at this point in my life I don't have a real social circle of friends or even know at this point how to build one or if I even need one.
You see, I’m at college now and people at college are always like 'Yeah, it was so good to go back home and catch up with friends' but when I go back home I realise I don't really have anyone to call. I think I never realised this before because being in high school you kind of have an inbuilt network o f people around you and even if you aren't that close to people you'll still be known and have a community there. But now that I've left I realise that I didn't have many friends or many I took the company there for granted.
I also think this may be down to the fact that for the last two years of my school life I moved quite far away and changed schools and so the people I may have known and been around at the first school who I’d known for around 4/5 years I’m not really in contact with anymore and if I were to try and say - 'Hi! Let’s hang out!' - now it would be weird since I wasn't really that kind of person when I was there anyway.
The people at the school I moved to were people I was really happy with (they also moved from various schools) and so I felt that if anyone it would them I turned to. But now, I realise that they have their own groups of friends and that they managed to keep in contact with the people in their previous schools and so for me to keep calling them together saying - 'don't forget me!' - may seem intrusive.
I'm willing to try though; I just literally don't know how to go about this or where to start. Especially since the college I'm at now is in a completely different part of the country.
I struggle because I feel like I do this to myself. I mean, who doesn't have friends who they can turn to? I feel like maybe I'm the one holding myself back from forming relationships with people that are strong enough to last.