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Cant let go of her past

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Long Distance Relationship advice I am unable to let go of the fact that the girl am with (for a year) decided to cheat on her boyfriend to be with me. She told me the relationship was over between them only to find out she was still together with him. She only dumped him after we have been together for 3 months she says.
To complicate matters more, more ex boyfriends are appearing. I feel like am always in a position to be the alpha male to chase away other males. She always entertaining them buy asking them to buy her stuff which to me is disrespectful to things i have done for her and our relationship. I gave her a promise ring to try and show her am being real in planning our future, but it feels like its not enough to direct her attention into focusing on building a future together.
We in a long distance relationship and as time goes by without seeing each other, i can feel that we drift apart more often as some days she remains secretive or illusive with her where about.

Cant let go of her past

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I feel bad saying this, but I think you ought to break up with her.

The complaints you name are real and decidedly *not* in the past. (i.e. her flirting heavily with other men, accepting presents, etc.)

I'd like to note that I don't feel like gifts/flirting are necessarily bad in a relationship. (I have male, platonic, friends who I flirt with and receive gifts from.) The difference is that my boyfriend doesn't feel the need to chase them away (he's friends with them, too, and gets that the flirting is just harmless fun). But they *are* bad when it crosses the line from feeling like "hey, this is a cool thing I do with friends" to "this is a threat to my relationship". In your case, it's upsetting you, she knows it's upsetting you (I'm assuming), and she's not stopping. That's disrespectful towards your feelings. I feel you deserve someone better.

Cant let go of her past

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Thank you for the response because i have been blaming myself that maybe am not strong enough. These guys are her exes. Am learning how not to get angry right now cause maybe i have a short fuse. But i know i have the right to be angry about things that disrespect the values we both decided are important in our relationship. When i express my views am seen as someone who is needy whilst all of her exes cheated on her? I have remained faithful to her all this time. She is someone who is too stubborn to say am sorry when she does something wrong. Worst case was when i had to beg her to speak to her own sister after her sister got robbed. At times i feel am with someone who is too self-centred to know that their actions are inhumane to other around them sometimes.

Cant let go of her past

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If you feel disrespected, I'd get out. Time rarely improves such things.

I'd definitely work on the anger, but that's a different issue than your relationship.

Regardless, it doesn't sound good. She sees you as needy, you see her as being disrespectful, she sees you as being a potential cheat, etc. That's a LOT of baggage. It would be one thing if you both wanted to work on it, but honestly, it sounds like she doesn't.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0