I accused my boyfriend of looking and fancying other women during the relationship
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a really bad reoccurring argument. We had a lot of fun and did a lot together. We were apart of each others lives and we both knew each other's family. I spent Christmas with them and they were just such lovely people.
At the beginning of the relationship I remember my ex saying he wasn't sure about us as we worked in the same building. I also remember when we went for a first date and second he didn't check if I was home and always left me to pick up the taxi bill (I have no issues with this but he never ever offered to pay half after he took me somewhere in the first place)
He always seemed to work late and left long periods to reply to my messages. It was all very much on his terms and never really understood if I tried to tell him how I felt. He would get annoyed and said that I had serious problems with loving myself and that I should not be this way.
Anyway, after the break up he blocked me on everything, I asked for my stuff back this evening via Facebook even though he has deleted me, it was the only place he had not blocked me. By the time I had finished work, I met with a friend for dinner. I checked my messages and he had messaged back with '6.30'.
I explained that i didn't realise he would reply so quickly and that I was out for dinner. He then started to say that I must get it now. I was with my friend so said I would get the bits after. He became very frustrated said he drove to my house and could see the light on and said that he had not eaten as he was waiting for me to get my stuff.
Anyway I drove my friend home and then headed to his. He met me outside and gave me my bits.
When I asked him how he felt and if we had another chance he said that he has told everyone everything including his mum, I asked what they thought and he said, 'let's just say you are not in their Christmas card list' and that they would think he was insane if He ever took me back. He said that I should have seen their reactions when he told them everything. He's made me feel like I've been abusing him and this has never been my intention :'( He said he told his friends and mother about the way I made his life a misery with continuous questions relating to other women and that I constantly accused him of fancying other women.he said that he wrote it all down and that it's too late. He also said he didn't love me and that his friend was utterly disgraced with me. He became quite tearful and that was when I realised how much I have hurt him. We had a lot of happy times but during stressful periods of my life I felt incredibly insecure. I feel insecure a lot and in our relationship I always felt like he wanted something better. I told him I would change and he said he's heard it before and there is no going back. Right now I feel terrible and feel like I've abused him by asking silly questions during our relationship, the guilt I feel right now is unbearable and I don't know what to do with myself. I want to know if by me asking him silly questions is a form of verbal abuse and if I should seek professional help as he has said I need it. I've sent him an email to apologise but I know it's the end and can't see a way forward anymore
I can understand that you have been feeling insecure during your relationship if it had such a rocky start. To me it sounds like while he evolved into a heartfelt relationship, you were still stuck in the approval phase, causing you to always need affirmation that he is not going to leave you (probably not your fault).
Still, I think you should read up about insecurities or see a psychologist. Insecurities or fears have a tendency to take over our lives if we do not actively stop them. We all have them, less or worse, but they all needs to be seen and restrained.
This guy is most likely going to be fine. Leave him alone for a few months while you work on being the attractive and interesting person that you are (no, we all are attractive and interesting). Not feeling good enough takes a huge toll on our self worth and you need time and attention from yourself on order to get back on track again.
I whish you the best of luck