Secured long-term relationship vs. unconditional love affair
I'd like to introduce myself as Len. I am 26-year old and I am married to an engineer who currently works in Saudi. We have been married for 2 years already but we've been having this relationship for 8 years and we have been blessed with a 5-year old daughter. He used to physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse me when we were still young but right now he has refrained from doing it again. I can say I am happy with my husband and he has been supporting me and our daughter to the fullest. I know that he loves me and he would do everything for me. Though there was a time that our relationship hit a bad turn, it started on November 2015, I overheard some rumors about him having an affair with his workmate and he kept on saying that it wasn't true. I refused to believe him and told him that I wanted to file an annulment but he wouldn't let me.
I desperately wanted someone to talk to and comfort me, that's when I met a 42-year old man into my life, let's call him Chris. He comforted me from my loneliness, helped me forget the heartaches, and we both fell in love. I can tell that he really loves me based on all the efforts he had done. He knows that I am married and I haven't been annulled with my husband yet he is willing to wait for me until the very end. He is already divorced with his ex-wife and they had 3 children together. Some of his family relatives and friends already know about us but on my side, only my sisters, friends know, and I even told my husband about us but still he wouldn't agree with having an annulment.
I really love the man I am currently having an affair with, I cannot afford to lose him and I do not want to leave him after all that he has done for me. Last December 2016, I had a talk with my husband and he persuaded me about us having a new start. He told me that the rumors about him were really not true. I told him about the affair that I had and he told me he has forgiven me. I was already okay with losing my husband but after our talk, my feelings for him went back, I did not want to lose him either, I'm not really sure if it's because I still love him or because I wanted to feel secure.
Now, I am currently two-timing with the both of them. I am aware about my wrong-doings, but still I cannot help myself. I decided to keep my marriage with my husband maybe because of financial and emotional assurance and I decided not to stop my affair because I would feel guilty about leaving him and the fact that I love him and do not want to lose him.
Right now, Chris is here in the city where I live in for his vacation. We are not living together because of my security purposes. He is currently busy with his children and relatives which makes me jealous most of the time. Though he is trying his best to be with me when he can, I just cannot help my jealousy over them.
Now I am what I should do with these feelings I have for my husband and the man I am having an affair with. I love my husband because we have been together for a very long time, I know him and he knows me very well. I love Chris for he has done everything for me and has not given up with our relationship. I am having a hard time weighing my feelings for them. I know this is wrong that is why I wanted to ask for some advises.
IF YOU WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Wow, I understand your challenge that comes with physically and emotionally loving two men. I also appreciate your recognition of both of their strengths as a possible husband for you and a father to your daughter. This decision will be very difficult, tricky, and complicated for you, but I agree, needs to be done. I also sense an urgency on your part or you may lose them both and destroy your own internal, moral compass in the process.
Perhaps you may want to begin with your stated and recognized values and what your priorities are in your (and your daughter’s) life. This is the easy part. Ask yourself what are the most important things in my life (i.e. daughter, God, money, security, freedom, sex?). The difficult part in this process is being honest with yourself and prioritizing the values. For example, if your daughter and her security is the most important thing to you at this time, determine which man best provides the values you want her to be exposed to. She is most likely to become who her parents are and do. If your top priority is God, what would he demand of you at this point. Would he expect you to stay married according to your vows or would he want you to be happy and experience pleasure? Maybe money is the most important thing to you which should make the decision objective. Please note, your values may be different than those you wish for your daughter.
Simply, I’m asking you to (1) sort out what is most important to you, (2) look at the options that are available, (3) determine the possible outcomes for each option (what is the good and bad that may happen), (4) and just decide.
I wish the best for you, your daughter, and your family. Please let us know what you decide and what were the reasons for the decision.
As a quote i read from dr. phil.... pick a horse and ride it.
Enough said. good luck Its not fair to any of you. Ive never seen anything like this end well, sorry.