My son is getting married on his 18th birthday.... very concerned
WILL1991 - Mar 17 2017 at 01:56
My son has been dating his fiancé for about 2 years. She graduated last year and has been in the Air Force for about 7 months. He is set to graduate this year. My son is very intellectual but also very immature. He has never had a job, doesn't drive yet, and has a tough time taking care of basic responsibilities around the house. He is in JROTC and Civil Air Patrol and plans on going into the service too but. It until about 7 months after he graduates but he hasn't signed up yet.
I feel like I am the only one who can see the train coming here. His fiancé is a very nice girl and on the same level he is. She actually came from a tough environment with her father and step mother who really treated her badly. Her grandparents moved her out of there on her 18th birthday. So they are giving her everything she wants and we are paying for a substantial wedding for a couple of kids who are not contributing at all.
My wife gets very defensive with my son as mothers do with their boys. I tell her he has a lot of things he should start working on now in preparation for this major life decision he's making. She thinks he will be fine and he will just do what he needs to without practice and all at once. It's frustrating as I really can't talk to anyone about it. I want him to be happy but I think this is a huge mistake. I told him if your going to do this you have to take the responsibility that comes with it. That means figuring things out and not expecting us or her grandparents to pay their bills.
I'm praying they make it but there's certainly no fire under his ass to start making and saving money or anything else to prepare for this.
A while back, my brother started dating a woman my father *hated*. My mother, I think, gave him some good advice. "This is not worth losing your son over."
I think that's good advice. Now I agree that your son sounds like he's making a stupid decision...but when it doesn't work, it's good that he has two loving parents to turn to. (And doesn't fear to do so because he feels that you'll tell him 'I told you so.')
Also, while it's nearly impossible to make someone do something, I'd definitely advise you to draw your son aside and ask some questions. (I've found that questions are often more effective than telling someone to do something, as people generally are more convinced an idea is right if they come up with it themselves than are told to do it!) I'd ask him why he wants to marry this woman now rather than when he gets out of the air force. Maybe ask him what plans he has if the marriage falls through, etc.
Even if he is determined to get married, it probably helps that he *doesn't* do anything that will make a separation harder in the future. (Have kids, entangle assets, etc.) Definitely reminding your son that crying babies *aren't* fun may mean that, though this (likely is) a foolish mistake, it's one that has limited consequences.
My thoughts are with you.