Irrational emotions messing with my relationship?
ANONYMOUS2727 - Mar 19 2017 at 09:18
It happened again; my boyfriend gets a call to get some beers with his buddies. I can tell that he has mixed feelings about going. So I tell him "go get a few beers with your buddies, I'll be alright here". And at the time I was completely alright. That is, until he actually left and I was left with my own thoughts.
Now, I trust my boyfriend more than anyone. Trust is not the problem, our relationship is not the problem. I am the problem. I get into my own head and can't take it.
I get so wrapped up in the fact that I am alone that I can't even just sit and watch tv. I get so freaked out that all I do is cry. I'll finally get calmed down and then I think about something like how I'm eating by myself and then I start to cry again. The cycle never ends until he gets home. But the whole time I'm feeling all these irrational emotions, it always runs through my head that what I am feeling is wrong.
I just have no idea why this keeps happening or what to do to make it stop. I feel like it is because I am unhappy with myself, which hasn't always been the case so that could be why this started happening more recently.
Hi dear, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I wish someone among your family and friends can give you right advice and support you emotionally.
For me it sounds like you are developing insecurity and trust issues. This happens when you don't feel loved enough and feel important. But this is good that you are able to identify your shortcomings before things get worse. It looks like you are jealous that that your bf is going out with his friends and not with you, but I could be wrong. You are feeling lonely and longing for his time and presence. I felt this insecurity myself, and did self talk that he enjoys other people's company more than mine. I don't know the whole story so please forgive me if my assumption is incorrect.
I think you should try to identify things that aren't making you happy and why these things are not making you happy. You have to identify what are his shortcomings and so do you, then you can open up with him about all these issues you have.
If you're unhappy because of him, it could be his actions or how he treats you in your relationship, try to open up with him without attacking him. This is a lesson learned for me. When you try to talk about difficult things especially it might affect his ego or pride, find the right words to bring up these issues without making him feel bad. Be constructive. Tell him everything that you are unhappy about. Avoid using words like 'always' and 'never'. Avoid words using 'You do this or you do that'. Try to use 'I' instead. This way, he won't feel attacked and making him feel responsible with all your unhappiness.
If your list has more issues because of you, then ask yourself what can you do better? Maybe you just need to hangout with friends, build your own network, go out to movies with your friends. Maybe you are unsatisfied with yourself and just need to feel those empty feelings. Sometimes, it is difficult to find a solution when you are the main subject so I suggest to open up with him and ask help from him how he can help you become a better partner in the relationship. Tell him that you want to overcome your insecurity and want to improve your relationship.
I hope this helps. I hope and pray that you find your happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy. All of us!
I agree with confused woman on this. But the question i had is.. how often do you two go out. there is nothing wrong with him going out with his friends if he is spending time with you as well. I have always preferred as a couple going to bars together and friend time is a day at a ballgame or home party. Something is causing you to feel this emotion. Just let him know that you are sad and you miss him while he is gone. Be open an honest about your feelings. If he cares about you maybe an agreement on how you spend your time or where you each spend your time apart to be with friends can made.. or the buddies come over for a game night. Good luck.. take care of you
I am so sorry for your feelings of loneliness. We were created to be social creatures and we need company and partnership. Whether or not your feelings are rational or reasonable may not matter. To you they are real. I’m also impressed with your self-analysis regarding the possible contributing factors for these feelings.
The earlier responses are wise to suggest the need to communicate your feelings with your boyfriend. And that any communication needs to assure your unconditional love for him. Do the words and the tone of any interaction with your boy friend reflect this love? Does he feel this unconditional love?
There may be some medical issues accompanying these feelings. Without being a physician, I would put forward that these symptoms show some resemblance to clinical depression. Your frustration with not having any self-control over these emotions also suggests similarity to clinic depression. Clinical depression is not situation depression. Your feelings may not have been triggered by the circumstances you have shared, but more from a biological issue. As hard as you try to self-regulate, you may not be physically able.
If you feel that there is a possibility of medical reasons for your behaviors, please consult with your physician. Your physical health and your emotional health can be related and are often synonymous.
Please keep us informed on your progress, and I will keep you in my prayers.