Marraige, friendship problems
I am new to this, I am 37 and have been married 16 years this year we have two boys together, but the last 4 months have been a nightmare, I found out before xmas that my husband had been sexting with another woman, this is not the first time either its happened before. I forgave him and tried to move forward since his mother died nearly 3 years ago he has not been the same, I put it down to this and tried to get passed it. When this happened again I was truly deverstated and was certain that we was over, I told him we would see in xmas together for the sake of the kids but then he would need to leave.
I leant on my friends for support, then I decided that I was willing to accept to try one last time on the condition my husband seeked help, he has stood by his word of willing to do anything, and has seeked counciling , I buried my head in the sand the first time round but things were different with me this time and I made him see just how much he had hurt me, its been very hard but things are slowly getting better.
The thing is, the moment I told my best friend of 23 years that I was giving my marriage another go, she completely ignored me shut me off, didn’t reply to my messages but then takes to social media to belittle me and my husband , I feel so hurt by this she also has two of my other friends getting involved in what shes putting about me, laughing making spiteful comments, stupid memes. I no longer have social media but I get sent what they are putting and I totally feel like im in the playground again with bullies! (who only know my ex best friend though me)
I called one of my so called friends out on this, they tried to say I was paranoid but then when I screenshot the evidence of what they had put, they couldn’t deny not getting involved any longer.
Just feel like the people I trusted and loved including my husband are not the same people I knew before any of this happened. I feel let down unable to trust anyone, I constantly feel like somethings going to go wrong, I cry a lot. My husband sits there quiet and blames himself for all of this, which yes its his fault a lot of this happened but then, he didn’t go and make my friends behave in that way either.
I have told my friend not to send me no more, as I don’t want to know what they are putting but its driving me mad, how can people treat you like this people who were once a major part of your life, I feel so down all the time unable to concentrate or get this off my mind, somedays I just feel like running away from it all, but I cant do that I have 2 boys that need me, but how can I be me again
no matter what kind of unwelcomed behavior happens and you bring it to your partners attention and is done again is wrong. There is the first time which is a mistake...the second time is a habit. If someone truely loves you..its ONLY you. Mind body and soul. You as a human being deserve happiness. Not in a fairy tale sense, but in a sense that you can be happy, be supported and feel like you belong in the world somewhere. If its your husband that is making u feel like less of a person, i think u have two options. stay or go.
I wont tell anyone what to do because we are all different and our level of tolerance is different. I stayed in a relationship for 25 years that I was told everyday i love you, meanwhile he was messing around with several other women. I shut a door. I turned into a robot that kept my kids until they graduated, then my husband got sick and passed away right after the youngest graduated. I thought i had all bases covered by playing a part. Only to find out my daughter knew and told me i should of left years ago.
I did what was right for me. i never knew my real dad till i was older and didnt want my kids to be without their dad even though it meant my happiness. to me my kids were more important.
be honest with yourself...really honest. is there somekind of behavior you are doing (chatting with men, flirting, anything that may bring on this behavior. If not..be honest, be real and have another talk. if you dont do this.. tell him. Ask him where he wants this relationship to go to.. Does he see the two of your together till your old.. and are u his soul mate.
Maybe that will open a door to find a better relationship, if not, at least you know where you stand. Call a truce and make arrangements that best fits the kids. As far as your friends...they dont sound like friends and u need to break ties. You will find that true friends are VERY RARE. Dont let a facebook friend count decieve you...they are not friends. Cut ties with facebook and you will soon find a peace of mine. Take care and I wish u all the best.
Your friends let you down, but then again, they are not therapists. They are unsympathetic, perhaps because they really don't know what to do with this information that you have shared with them. Leave them out of the issue and seek counseling.
The fact that your husband "has not been the same" since his mother died is a real red flag that professional help needs to be brought in. (Many people in depression do things that are outside their regular behavior, like have an affair, start drinking, etc...) Another reason to seek counseling.
Good luck. You CAN get thru this, but outside, professional help (not friends) is needed.
This is a painful situation and difficult path you have been walking. People very close to you, who you trusted, have hurt you. It is the people closest to us which can hurt the most. You have been gracious and forgiving of your husband as he seeks help from the difficult addition of sexting. This seems to have guided him to get the help and likely save your marriage and the stability of your kids. That is wonderful. It sure is hard to understand what your friends are thinking and why they are embarrassing and hurting you so much. But thinking first of your marriage and family, even if your friends don’t understand, is a hard but good step, a mature step. As a wife and mother, you certainly want to think of that responsibility. It would sure be helpful if your friends saw it that way too. If they could see your heart, in pain, but doing what is best for your family, maybe they would at least stop hurting you. If not, it seems you must still stay focused on what is most important to you and move on, even if your friends haven’t. I hope and pray that you and your husband will be strengthened through this and that you can guide your kids to be very trusting friends in their lives.
Your friends may have gotten overly involved with your situation and feel emotionally betrayed or let down that you returned to the same situation you dealt with before.
I would truly tell whoever the so called friend is to never send anything again about that. I don't usually use Facebook etc, I'm assuming it's there. Just confront them. Face to face and tell them they've hurt you and disappointed you. Tell them that you may not know if you're doing the right thing with your husband, but it is your life. They at least need to be confronted. I would only deal with the ones you considered real friends, not social media.
You probably hurt them also, it's distressing to get involved in a friends problems and then have them go back on a situation. I had a friend do this with infidelity and it upset me but I didn't take it out on her. Unfortunately, later he pulled another stunt and filed for divorce himself, only this time she'd had tons of personal money invested from an inheritance into their properties. It was horrible.
Try and forgive them, but tell them enough is enough. Your husband, I hope is working on his problems. He needs to and to be honest about them.
Best of luck and keep your chin up and eyes open.