Confused and depressed in personal life
I live in US & married last year in India, however my marriage took place in very unconventional way. I was in relationship with a Girl, whom I wanted to marry, however just before marriage, my parents threatened me to commit suicide and break all relations with me & I ended up marrying different Girl of their choice. My family abused & tourchered me throughout my marriage, Because of my past love life, they described me as ' loose character' in front of many people including my wife.
Its been year & half but the relationship between me & my wife has been heated and stressful. Ever since she came to know about my past from my family, she kept questioning my character now and then which turned into arguments. We got into regular disputes and I ended up complaining to my in laws about her, but they ended up getting angry on me.
My Parents behave with me as they have walked out of my life as soon as I got married and they don't even bother to know if I am alive or not. they took my emotions & attachment towards them for granted.
I am well settled in US & was more than capable to take my own decisions, still I wanted to take blessings of my parents for marriage and hence did not want to hurt their feelings, But the way my parents & family has treated me, today every moment I feel regret that I could not take stand for myself & my love life & let it driven by others.
The Girl I wanted to marry, also married last year to someone else, though today my wife and my parents still hate her, they have fear that she will come back to my life.
I do not even keep contacts with my close friends anymore as they tend to ask more about my personal life & I feel ashamed of myself hence I deleted my social media profiles too.
I do not want to leave or cheat my wife, but at the same time I am not happy either. I have been very changed person than I was before marriage - more due to the way my marriage took place & indifferent behavior of my family towards me, but she doesn't understand that part & I end up getting more burnt.
I am waiting for my wife's visa to get approved so she can come to here, but at the same time I am really worried and stressed about my future too knowing that neither family would support me.
Due to behavior of my parents and family, my mind is very unsettled lately and now my personal life showing effects on my profession too. Many times I feel that if I had been selfish & taken bold step to marry a girl of my choice, probably my life had been different than what it is today.
I am just directionless where I should go.
You have a lot of decisions to make, but first you must feel better about yourself.
Your parents cannot support you with their blessing - so stop thinking that they will be there for you. Find another elder family member or religious leader to mentor you.
You are not happy with your marriage. Does she know that? Perhaps she is not happy either. You need to decide if you both want this marriage to work or not.
Don't look back on what you could or should have done. That is bad thinking and will make you sad.
You must get your life in order for TODAY. Maybe therapy would help you get a plan.
I am sorry to hear about your distress over relationships with your family and the struggles you are facing in your marriage. I can see how you have been under a lot of stress and how it is affecting you personally as well as the impact on your performance at work. I'm sure you are also trying to adapt to the cultural differences here in the U.S. I am encouraged that you have reached out for help and that you want to make good decisions in mending your relationships with your wife and family. I am also happy to see that you are working to bring your wife to this country. I sense that you still have hope that you can one day have a happy marriage and a close relationship with your parents. If this is true, I admire you for your courage to not give up but instead work towards building those relationships and a happy future. You did not mention whether or not religion has been a part of your life. Faith can be a wonderful thing to rely on, especially when it feels like there is no one there to support you. Here are 2 articles that you might find helpful: “Does Marriage Still Have A Place?” https://thred.org/does-marriage-still-have-a-place
and “Marriage – Till Definition Do Us Part” https://thred.org/christian_view/marriage/.
I look forward to hear your thoughts on all this and an update on your progress. Take care, you are not alone!