Nothing seems authentic anymore
I've been on here before talking about my religious struggle. I use to be a christian until I came to the understanding that there is no absolute truth to point to a divine being. I've loss my motivation in my education/career life. My passion is gone and I feel as though I am an empty shell. In my old post I talked about how I couldn't get a girlfriend, well, that is still the case. I can't seem to hold a meaningful conversation anymore. I use humor as an escape, it's only a matter of time before alcohol becomes an escape too since I will be turning 21 soon. I feel as though I am numb, that I am so use to being alone that I can't seem to react to it anymore. In short, I am not suicidal, but I feel as though I want to die, and that scares me. What do I do?
I am so sorry for your feelings of loneliness and despondency. Loneliness can be debilitating and scary because we were created to be social. I remind you of your courage to engage me and others by starting this meaningful conversation. I believe this demonstrates a pursuit of purposeful living to share this information. That can be an excellent start to live intentionally. When you live intentionally with purpose, you may get excited about relationships and a desire to know God, again.
So what does this even mean? It may mean finding others in your life to keep you from shutdown mode when life gets crazy. And it does and will as you are painfully aware. It may mean living a life intentionally getting to know God again and intentionally investing in the lives of others. It may mean stop playing defense and reacting to life instead of creating meaning from it.
This will take energy and confidence that you have already implied is currently lacking in your life. Again, I remind you of your courage to share your feelings and pain. The more your intentionally seek Jesus, the more you will find your uniqueness and the gifts God has blessed you with.
So, I will leave you with a challenge. Trust in the power of prayer and ask the God that you once believed in, not with evidence but through faith, that He makes you a wounded healer. That He helps you recognize your value in helping others. Perhaps we can start small. What if you applied your experiences and responded to one of these PeopleProblem with credibility from your life events. What if…………………?
One final thought. How do you ever know if you are suicidal or not?
You will be in my prayers and I trust in a positive outcome for you. Keep us informed.
I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. Believe it or not, almost everyone goes through times when we feel down or discouraged. You are not alone in this struggle. For several years, I had mistaken loneliness as being the echo of something missing in my physical life. I realized it was not so as I started talking honestly to God about my feeling of disconnect and isolation. I didn’t immediately feel the burden of loneliness lift. But doing so at least gave God a chance to meet me in those hard spaces, which I believe He longs to do for anyone. Indeed, sometimes He is the only one who can reach us there. Praying for you!