Alcoholism and lying in relationship
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. He has a child with someone that I knew from highschool, we all grew up in the same home town, however I did not get to know him until recently. However, I know his baby mama from high school and she was a very insecure, promiscuous, and honestly down right mean. Don't get me wrong, many people go through stages in high school but it seems that she never grew out of it and is verbally abusive to him. Anyways, after about 6 months of dating and him telling me that she was just a "fling" I found out that they had actually gotten back together after the child was born a couple years ago, who is now 7. So he lied to me about his relationship with the BM. Also, around the same time I have a feeling that he is drinking alot... by himself when I am not around. He is sending me texts that are jumbled or not answering my calls, so one day I went to his house and found empty nips and bottles that he was hiding. I confront him about this and he admits that he has a drinking problem and feels because of his love for myself and our relationship we can work it out. Needless to say, I found him drinking hard alcohol by himself and trying to lie and hide this from me.
So here I am and I feel as though I can barely trust him with anything. I find myself snooping through his phone waiting for more bombs to come up. I know I am setting myself up to find something and there it is, sex videos of him and the baby mama from before we are together. He claims that he is keeping them because he might need to use them against her since she is manipulative and have threatened things like getting him fired and taking their daughter away, even though he has joint custody. I love him and care about him but I am not sure what to do to make this relationship work or if I should just walk away. Any advice?
OMGoodness girl! that is a problem. OK, so i'm just going to the point. This is not a healthy relationship. I know you like him, but this is not ok. There are red flags all over this and you seem to just want to pick them up and through them away. Sometimes you have to let someone go. Life isn't a movie were you can stay with this guy and everything just flows together. He is obviously not the guy for you and you deserve better. Don't worry, he isn't the only fellow out there. But he is one that you should not be with. One day, you never know, but might lead you into a "trap" if you know what I mean.... he is a bad example and you shouldn't be with him. Sorry for whats going on, that just not cool :( Whatever you do I wish you luck. Stay strong! You can do the right thing, just you have to take a step in the right direction.
You don't know this man. He is not real. He uses alcohol to be someone different from himself.
Unless he is sober, he's not going to be there for you or anyone else.
Insist he gets into treatment, outpatient or in-patient.
Your life will be a living hell if this isn't dealt with.
The guy hasn't worked out where he's going with his first relationship. Throw in the alcohol abuse and he's not worth being with because he can't commit to you, or anyone else for the matter, when his head space is like it is. He's the only one who can help himself if alcohol's a problem and all you need to do is distance yourself from him. You can put your heart and soul into this relationship but if he's drinking heavily, then you're wasting your time because only further hurt and abuse will come back to you from it.