I feel like my life is spinning out of control
I recently lost my virginity to rape and I feel as if my life is spinning out of my control. My mom won't let me go anywhere because she's scared that something else bad will happen to me. I know she loves me but she's fucking me up even more because all I do anymore is sit in my room, while other people decide what happens to me.
Because she does this, I'm so angry all the time and I keep lashing out at her. She's freezing me out right now because I was rude to her and she says she doesn't want anything to do with me.at night all I think about is how heavy he was and how suffocating it was, I keep simpering my life right now to that exact feeling and it's the same thing. I don't know how to gain control again.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I understand that your momjust wants to protect you, but like you say, it really is not helping you. What you need is some distance from the event before you start actually working on it. You can and you will be ok after this. This might never go away, but it does not have to define your life.
I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Even if you wanted to have sex before, the monent you stop wanting it any normal person would stop. They might be disappointed, but they would stop. Because at that point they no longer has a willing partner. This is someone who does not care about having a willing partner. It is not normal as it is a antisocial behaviour that can be found in people who has underdeveloped empathy. I'm not an expert, but I think drug addicts, some traumatised people and psychopaths for example.
CALL A HELPLINE! They should know where you turn for proffessional support. Proffessional support is good because they would know what helps the majority of rape victims to go back to normal.
I am not sure what to do about you mom, but if I were you I would talk to my mum about how it is nearly impossible not to think about the rape and that you need to have supportive people around you. If the people near you are not, I am happy to be there for you whenever you need it.
I would like to tell you to not lash out against your mom, but instead to educate her about your situation, how this happend and what you need from her now. This is mot the time for her to disipline you, nor the time for you to alienate your strongest allies (usually your best friends and your family).
Read up so you know what is what and can properly answer less educated people. One of the hardest parts to get over is stupied people who thinks a guy can not see right from wrong just because he is horny. Rape is a choice that the perpetrator is making. Nothing else.
I wish you good luck with you recovery, and please know that i will be checking your thread to see if you need anything.
Hi, just checking how you are going. Please tell you you are feeli g better?