Relationship break up
hey there, kind of new to this. hopefully someone can help me out. i was in a 13 month intense relationship with a man. i love him with all of my heart. and he also loved me. we had a very good relationship but we had a really big fight and the next day i lost my job and was going through some personal issues and he still wasnt speaking to me. i was begging and pleading with him i wanted him to be there for me. but he wasnt. his brother and i were good friends, we were close. his brother was there for me. this fight between my boyfriend and i went on for a week plus some days. one night his brother invited me to go out with him to just hang out. i said sure, we got drunk and we had sex. my boyfriend found out and we broke up it was a very bad break up. but i want to try and make things right between us. i know what i did was really messed up and that it is an unforgivable thing but i want a life with him and i dont want him to leave. can someone give me advice on what i can do.
Regardless if your BF's brother was 'there' for you, he actually wasn't if his further actions have not only probably wrecked his relationship with his brother but also contributed negatively to your whole situation. Basically, your BF has to forgive both of you and that could take a long time for him to get his head around. It's all OK for you to be close and good friends with his brother, but it's not all OK to go further and then expect your BF to be able to cope with it. It's a double whammy for him to cop. Very few people are able to forgive and forget when something like this happens and it goes without saying but you need to keep your distance from your BF's brother. Going by your post, he has no respect for you or himself, and certainly none for his brother.
It's no good blaming the circumstances leading into it, but you need to understand that you will probably have to work very hard to regain your BF's trust, if ever, because he will see your actions as absolute and total betrayal regardless if he was speaking to you at that time or not. Respectfully, you may have had a 13 month intense relationship with a man you love with all your heart, but he just didn't tick ALL the boxes for you otherwise you never would gone elsewhere drunk or sober.
You messed up on two fronts: you had sex with someone when you really wanted to get back with him, AND you "cheated" with his brother.
Fixable? Probably not.
Move on and learn from all this.
Its really a mess. And most probably unsolvable.
The best thing to do now is stay away from his brother. Also you need to give him some time to cool down. This kind of thing is hard to accept. A betrayal from two sides. After a few days, maybe if you can make him listen to you and convince him that you won't be unfaithful again, maybe he will forgive you.
But you can't have any hopes. Cuz it all depends on whether he can accept this mishap or not.