Long-distance relationship troubles
HERMIONERON - Mar 27 2017 at 19:39
Hello I am 30, I met a boy on Tinder in September, he is 27, we started texting immediately on Facebook and after two weeks we met. I live in a big city and he lives in a village 80 km away so he came to my city. We liked each other a lot, talked for six hours, we had a really strong connection from the very beginning. The next three months up until Christmas he came to my city nearly every week as he didn't want me to come to his village because he felt embarrassed. We made love, it was amazing, he was my first, really very gentle and so on.
But then after New Years he had an exam and he didn't pass it and as a result he is feeling really depressed and isolated from the world. He says he has problems but he doesn't want to talk about them. He is not busy because he doesn't work. Ever since New Years, he hasn't come to see me although I asked him many times, I said I wanted to help in some way, he said I couldn't help. We are still texting every day, we don't talk on the phone. But I want to see him so much, he said he wanted to see me too but these problems prevent him from coming. I am starting to lose hope I will ever see him again. He shares with me so many things I am not sure what problems he is talking about and what I should do in the situation. I tried to stop texting him but I am in so much pain when we don't talk and I feel like I am the one that put a stop on our relationship. I can't stop crying, I miss him so much it hurts. I don't know what he is feeling towards me because he doesn't want to say it but it seems like he cares about me, he is trying to help me and has helped me when I needed, he gives me emotional comfort.
However, texting is not enough for me, I am so sick of it, I want to see him, I can't imagine what on earth are these reasons that stop him from coming to see me. I am so confused and I really have no idea what I should do. My parents and my friends say I should give him up because they see how much I am hurting and they say it's not healthy. I agree with them but I just can't give him up I want things to work out somehow, I don't know whether I am supposed to wait for him to sort out his problems or give him up because he doesn't care enough for me and won't come and see me. At first I thought he lost interest in me but then I can't explain why he still texts me. He knows very well I am hurting and doesn't do anything about that. Three months is a long time and it was really hard for me to get used to the fact that he isn't going to come. I don't want it to be over because I think we have something special which is difficult to find these days.
Please anyone give me some advice, thanks in advance for your help, it means a lot.
I think you need to have a serious talk with your bf. If he wants to keep your relationship, he has to be willing to compromise - he can't just tell you "I can't come because of reasons I can't tell you" and expect you to accept this for the rest of the time you're together.
I find it strange that he won't let you visit him. Maybe he is ashamed of his situation at home? Do you know much about his family situation, if he lives with his parents, if he lives in a house VS apartment VS trailer, etc? Is he not well off? He may be worried about being embarrassed if he feels his quality of life is inferior to what you are used to in a big city.
I would call him up and tell him that you want this relationship to work, that you want to put in the effort to build it strong but that you need him to put in the effort too. Explain that you are hurting because all of a sudden he can't come or talk to you anymore and that it's not fair that you don't even get an explanation as to why. You are willing to put in so much effort into him, and he needs to be willing to put the same effort into you.