Need outside opinions on stress in marriage due to husband's excessive working
A little background: My husband is a farmer who also works on equipment. When we first got together he worked a lot of hours, but we found ways to spend time together even while he worked. After getting married and having our first child this continued. Spent a lot of time working but we found ways to be together as a family. Now we have been married 5 years and have 2 kids. The last 3 years have been difficult. We are living at poverty level because of his farming (we could be upper middle classs if he gave it up) and he works 16 (or more) hour days, 7 days a week. There are weeks where my kids don't even see him and most weeks they are lucky to get an hour of his time. But he finds time to go away for a day or 2 during the winter to help a friend with snowmobile racing and he just told me that he has joined a tractor pull group where he will be pulling in 9 events all over our state! We get his time, maybe 1 weekend a summer and one in the winter.
He just recently came to me and expressed his excitement that he was going to quit farming. He spent an hour telling me how our money problems will go away and he could actually take a day or 2 off every week to be with us! 3 days later his family and friends have convinced him that he shouldn't give up farming. I'm feeling guilty, but I've been trying to figure out how I can make it work on my own once I get a job. I am 100% responsible for the kids, our home (inside and out), and anything he needs when he is home. Am I rushing to be considering divorce if he decides to choose the farm? I almost feel petty but my kids and I are struggling. I was going to mention counseling but I told him that my doctor put me on anti-anxiety meds and suggested I see a counselor and he says he thinks I'm being over dramatic. I don't know what else to do to save my marriage!
Your husband wont see this as an emotional issue, so make it a financial one.
. Make an appointment with an accountant and put everything on the table and let him know you will not be financially abused any more - or you will leave and make it on your own. Ask him how he will pay child support!!
I've actually sat down with him a few times like this but not with quite so much emphasis on me leaving. I've kind of been waiting till I get a job (I'm a teacher so next school year) and if things don't get better my plan was to do exactly as you said. But thinking that, heck typing it now, makes me feel guilty. Like, even though I'm not holding back my anger and frustration, by not telling him that I'm thinking divorce could be in our future I'm somehow doing something wrong. But then I want to be prepared before digging quite so deep because I have a fear that he will just tell me to walk then. And I'm not ready...probably sounds crazy.
Your husband lives in a fantasy land. If you have the energy to fill in where he wont, then that is your choice.
Take care of yourself.
He needs to know it clearly what all problems you are facing. Also he should know what will happen if these problems are not solved between you. What #SUSIEDQQ# said is right. You need to make him understand this problem from a point of view with which he can relate. He can see the financial problems you are facing. So show him those.
Also, before taking such a huge step, make sure you are secured from all sides first.