PATIENTLYIMPATIENT - Apr 2 2017 at 00:17
I need some relationship advice and thank everyone who replies!
I am in a tough spot in my relationship. To open, I have been upfront and honest with my boyfriend since about 6 months after we started dating, letting him know that my intention with dating was to find a husband and get married, as I only wanted to have children within marriage. We were together 2 years and broke up because he was not ready to get married and start a family.
After 3 months of contacting me sporadically, I broke down the "no contact" I initiated and agreed to meet up with him. He said he was wrong, that he wanted to get married in a year or so, and that I was the one he wanted it with. We went through counseling together at that time, as we wanted to make sure we could truly work everything out. The counselor said we were on the same page and we got back together.
I ended up pregnant two months later. We agreed that we didn't want to get engaged or married just because of the pregnancy, so I didn't expect a proposal. But now, ten months after our child was born, I don't know why he hasn't proposed. He has the ring (he has shown it to me and asked me to be patient, because he wants the proposal to be special). But I HAVE waited... and waited... and WAITED. And it's gotten to the point where I have morphed from a successful and self-confident woman into one who is feeling trapped and unhappy in a relationship that was supposed to end in marriage much sooner than this!
Every time I have a conversation with him about this, he says it will happen "soon," which went from three months, to six, to nearly a year. Last night I told him I'll give him sixty days to propose, and I won't complain or mention marriage during that time...and if he doesn't, I'm leaving. We are fighting about this almost weekly now, and it's tearing us apart.
Thing is, I really don't expect that he will propose in sixty days. He is unmoved by the unhappiness that his hesitancy is causing me and has told me I can just leave whenever I want if I'm not happy.
Why did he buy a ring - and SHOW IT TO ME - if he was just going to sit on it?
Am I crazy for planning to leave him because he won't marry me?
No, you do need to have a serious conversation with him. You need to fully understand what is it that's preventing you guys from going ahead with the marriage plans you both had discussed. He needs to be upfront and honest on whether or not he wants to marry you. Then from there I suggest you do what's best for you. You deserve to be happy and fully committed to you. If marriage is too much of a commitment for him, he needs to talk to you. You deserve to understand what's going on and from that point make your decision.
Basically, your BF has given you an ultimatum in return for yours. It means that the ball's in your court and you get to make decisions which are the best for you. Sure, you need 'a commitment' from him but if he's not going to do this to your satisfaction, then you need to stick to your ultimatum.
Your BF's actions are speaking and have been all along...all you need to do is realize that you're no closer to being engaged or married from when you first broke up, counseling or no counseling. What has changed since then is that you guys have a child together, and most importantly, your child's happiness and well being should be both your first and foremost priority.