Guilt ridden / unforgiven
I've been married 24 years to a great man. For about 16 of those years i was drinking, drugging and had several affairs. I was reckless and did lots of damage.In the last 6 years i have been behaving myself and making daily amends and am a sober and loving woman.My problem is my hsband has been witholding intimacy,communication and sex from me. He recently told me there was no trust and he didnt think i could stay clean.I wish we could both forgive, move forward,be happy. We have wasted so much time. I think he deserves happiness and so do I. Do I leave him and let him go or keep trying. His life was hell for 16 years and i dont know what else to do to show him that person no longer exists.
Thank you for sharing some very difficult challenges in your marriage. Marriage can be adventure even without these issues. I first need to compliment you on your success in cleaning up your life. The issues you mention can be overwhelming and a dark place from where many don’t return. This in itself is an incredible success story and reveals tremendous discipline in your life.
With this being said, marriage is a partnership of which forgiveness is an indispensable part. Communication is also a vital part. How much dialog has taken place about your personal needs in this joint venture? How intentional have you been in creating intimacy? I’m not able to measure what you mean by being a “loving” woman. It may not be reasonable for him to ask for more than 6 years of being sober and faithful to prove your commitment to him. It would be fair and maybe even required that you ask him what it takes for him to completely get back into the marriage. By this I mean sex is a shared, selfless, experience that honors the other. Men cannot stay in a platonic relationship with a woman they love unless something else is satisfying them.
This should lead you to ask your husband some very intimate questions as part of your communication with him. What is physically and emotionally satisfying him in this marriage? These questions may be difficult to ask and therefore need to demonstrate your unconditional love for him.
You observed something very important in your relationship. You have both wasted so much time and you both deserve to be happy. Anything less than that is not what God intends with and from the marriage celebration. I would like to refer you to http://www.pureintamcy/pornagraph.com
as a possible source of addition help and guidance.
I hope and pray for continued recovery on your part and a forgiving heart from both of you. Please let us know how things work out. We can all use some lessons in forgiveness.
I need to correct the web site I referred you to previously. Correct site should be http://www.pureintimacy.org/pornography.
I hope this helps.