Lost and missing her
So I just joined this forum because I didn’t know where else to turn to for advice. I am recently going through a break up which has been harder than any other I’ve gone through before. I have tried keeping my mind off of things by staying busy, I’ve read many articles to get over this and I have even read many to win her back. I find them all hard to listen to as every situation is very different and mine is no exception to that. I just want to win her back. I’ll tell you guys the whole story.
So my girlfriend and I met a while back through a friend and we live in different cities about an hour away from each other. We started chatting through facebook and text and moved to nightly phone calls as we hit it off so well right off the bat. We talked for over a month neither realizing that the other liked us back. Finally one of us had the courage to say it and we were together and inseparable from there. We texted throughout the day, long phone calls at night and weekly visits to see each other. Things were perfect. We were in love and nothing could pull us apart. We introduced our children to each other (I have 2 and she has 3 all around the same age) and everyone clicked perfectly. After a few months of this we decided to move in with each other (I know moving in fast was our first big mistake) She said she wanted to move in with me as I live in a bigger city and she thought it would be more exciting for everyone. We moved in and everything was good for a while. Then I lost my job. She couldn’t find a new one here and I couldn’t seem to find a new one either. We were all crammed in my smaller apartment with all the kids with little money and no space. It was stressful and it affected us. We didn`t fight a lot but things were stressful and we lost a lot of that passion although we still loved each other. She got a bit distant and never wanted to talk about things. Finally she went to spend a week at her moms with her kids to think about things as she said she wasn`t happy with the living situation. By the end of the week she gave me the answer that she wanted to end things and move back. She was to move out in 2 weeks. The night she got home from that week things were awkward but civil. She said she was going to bed early and I was up watching tv. I could hear her crying from our room so I went and asked if she was okay and she finally opened up to me. She said she didn`t know if she made the right choice and that she loved me but just wasn`t happy here. I told her I love her and that it`s not too late to change her mind. She told me some things that were bugging her like her doing more housework than me, not doing a lot of things she enjoyed (like reading) and we didn`t go out and do too much with the kids because things were so hectic. Immediately I made some changes, did a lot more housework, Picked her up some books and we went out for more family outings. After a day or so of thinking she decided it would be best to still move out but to stay together with the intention of moving in again better prepared and me moving to her city which I was all for. The 2 weeks before she moved we were us again everything was great between us. We had our spark back, we made plans to do so many things together and we talking about our future together again. Moving day came and although I was sad to see her go at least I knew we were still together and working on a future. The next day I got a text from her saying she can`t do this and she needed to be alone and she said goodbye. I have not heard from her since and this was 4 days ago. I miss her very much and so do my children. My children and I miss her children very much as well because we became quite close.
I have heard advice from my friends and family and its all the same thing. Move on, youre better off (even though they all did like her and still admit that) Even my childrens mother said I seemed happier than shes ever seen me when my girlfriend and I were together. Deep down I just want to be with her. I want our little family back. Any advice would be much appreciated. I know we made many mistakes I am really just looking for advice on what I should do from here to have her back.
I think that you should move on. Remember that I only know what I have read but looking at what you said from the outside, I think that she used you trying to make things better to get through an awkward 2 weeks. I think that she knew all along that she was ending things but didn't tell you because it was making the living situation better till she could leave. I think that for you and your children you need to move on and concentrate on making yourself and your kids happy and a better family. Good Luck!
Wow - lots of stress here - two adults who really don't know each other, five (!) kids, lost jobs, small apartment. She's feeling overburdened with household duties and misses having the "my time" she needs.
No wonder she is feeling that she needs to "get away."
Ask if you two can start dating again. Just the two of you.(please leave the kids out of all this)
Perhaps you can see if there's something to hold this relationship together.