I'm so scared of it all
Hello, it's my first post so here we go.
Mornings are not meant for me. Every single emotion show up. And the one that takes over my entire head is fear. I have many fears and I want to find a way to get rid of them. They linger so much. Each day is a different problem and there is not one day I don't feel awful.
I'm afraid of being alone and at the same time I'm afraid of intimacy... because I'm afraid of people leaving. I'm afraid I'll never stop missing my ex boyfriend who broke up with me 9 months ago (this fear makes my stomach turn). I'm afraid the next person I fall in love with will be a mistake. I'm afraid I won't be able to feel comfortable with people. I'm afraid I'll live the same day over and over and over again with no change predicted in the foreseeable future. I'm afraid I won't like what I'll do professionally because I already dislike my major (and I'm afraid I'll have a hard time like I'm having right now until it's over). I'm afraid of the anti depressants I started taking.
I don't know how to make so many fears go away. It feels like there's a rope around my chest and someone's pulling it tighter and tighter. I feel like crying but sometimes the desperation is bigger and I get super agitated like an animal in a cage, walking from side to side.
I REALLY don't know what to do. I'd appreciate any advice or kind words.
Welcome to being Human! Its human to have feelings & emotions right from when they wake up till they fall asleep!
What differentiates one human from another is whether they are run by their feelings & emotions or they are able to manage them. It is possible for anyone who is determined to transition from being a slave to their feelings & emotions to being a master to them! I know this from my own experience.
The good news is that you have taken the effort to share what you are going through and determined to find a solution. KEEP this drive and you WILL master your fear!
My first advise to you will be to "Fully Accept" your feelings and emotions. Do not resist them. The more you resist, the more they will persist!
- Fully accept that you might be left alone.
- Fully accept that someone close or intimate in your life might leave you.
- Fully accept that you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend and it is alright to miss him and yet not have him in your life.
- Fully accept that the next person that you fall in love with might be a mistake.
- Fully accept that you chose a major that you don't like and you might end up in a profession that you hate. If you research on the internet, you will find some articles that there are many-many people in America and all over the World who hate their jobs, but do it anyways just to pay their bills.
Feel the feelings & emotions that arise when you fully accept the possibility of these negative outcomes. When you fully accept the possibility of an outcome that you are dreading, it will stop scaring you. They will not pop in your head as much. Then you will have the space to think positive and create the thoughts of a positive outcome in your life.
If you want, share these feelings & emotions that you are going through with someone close to you whom you trust.
KNOW that you HAVE feelings & emotions; you are NOT your feelings & emotions.
WARMAUTUMN, I agree with PK that it's the mental struggling involved in the refusal to accept versus the urge to accept that causes a large portion of the pain and anguish. But I *think* I detect certain recognisable symptoms in your brand of anxiety, which would mean acceptance being a tad too far off at this juncture, in terms of present capability.
This relationship that ended 9 months ago - tell me about it? For starters, how many years was it? What was he like towards you throughout?
Also, when exactly did you start your course of anti-Ds?