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Why can't i have a normal life?

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Children & Young People advice Hello,

i'm a 17 years old male and just hate my life. I'm going to what you could call high school right now and experiencing things most teenagers don't expierience.

I know i will sound like a whiny, little b*ch right now but i just have to let it out somewhere. My childhood was actually kinda strange, most of the time it was good but when i entered my teen years, my parents fought a lot with eachother. My father was a alkoholic and didn't work, my mother has 5 kids so she couldn't work, we live in germany btw. So we were significantlly poor. When i was 11 my father died from the consequences of alcohol after 2 years of fighting with my mother. After that our situation actually improved, my sibling grew up and could help my mother better and just all in all we settled really well, my mother has found work and everything seemed actually well, we still lack money at some points, but it's ok.

Yeah after that when i slowly entered puberty, i never really felt that i was lacking someone like a father. The first shock of my life came when i was 14, my hair began to thin a lot, YES WITH THE AGE OF 14, and that actually concerned me a lot, we went to several doctors, but all of them said it was genetical ans there is nothing i could do against it, i didn't know what to think, a teenage boy who is suffering from genetic hair loss, i couldn't actually believe it and lived my life with the thought it will get better at some point.

As a boy in his teenage years, i wanted to be popular, what was not possible because of my lack of confidence, that still exits. Another thing that was bothering me is that i just stopped growing at a height of 168cm (i can't convert it into american units, but it's a little bit smaller than the average woman.) yeah, so a teenage boy who is suffering from hair loss, stopped growing and lacks confidence in everything that's me.

And now as i entered high school, my life is actually getting worse. Now that i realize that my hair loss isn't getting better but is getting worse, i'm getting depressed right now. I just hate my life, i'm shorter than most of the girls in my class and i have less hair than some 40 year old men i sometimes see, the good thing is that i can hide the hair loss with gel, but just the imagination of being bald in my mid 20s is just terrifying. Nobody knows how traumatic hair loss at a young age can be, if they didn't experience it themselves.

In additon to that my face is everything but attractive and i'm stupid as hell, can't even think slightly logical. My grades aren't that well either, while all of my sibling are about to be Engineers in 2 years. I don't have any special talents nor any interests. And with all these characteristics, i don't see a bright future for me, just a disappointing depressed life, and i know i sound like a whiny b*tch, because i probably am, but just seeing all my class fellows and friends who live a happy life and don't have to worry about these things is just aggravating. I can't even talk with my family about this, becauee they also call me whiny and weak. I always try to comfort myself, by thinking about all the people who have worse problems, but it doesn't work out, i hate myself.

If anyone had the patience to read this, i thank you a lot :)

Why can't i have a normal life?

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Your family has gone through a lot. YOU have gone through a lot. Sometimes that means that it is hard to be there for each other, despite that you know of what the other one is going through. They call you whiney, because they can not stand to think that there might be something or someone else to worry about.
It sounds to me as if both you and your family is emotionally exhausted and that is why you are reacting to eacher in a negative way. You have probably been on high alert for a very long time, maybe several years. What happens is that all your reservs gets depleted. There is a good explanation on youtube (what happens in your brain when you experiense long time stess). That should explain to you why your reactions might be a lot more negative then your classmates. And it can actually even be the cause of your bad self confidence.

Try to comfort yourself with taking good care of yourself. Eat good. Sleep only at night. Exercise by at least taking long quick walks. Cuddle or chill together with someone. Whatch documentaries. Not only can it give you something to relate the school material to, but itit It also stimulates your mind to think of other things then all your worries.

Since you feel very bad about your hair loss I would like you to go to a hairdresser or a barber and ask them what to do. When I was your age, I had a boyfriend that was shorter then the male average and loosing his hair. He cut his hair really short so it would not be very obvious. He also tried Rogaine etz but with a very meager result. I was never bothered by it. Most people do not care much about how you look or how tall you are, what is really important is how you make THEM FEEL. If they have a good time with you, they will like being with you.

Sometimes tiny things like doing something you like, solving a problem or just getting comfortable with the way you look can give you the energy you need to start living outside your own bubble again, making it a good start to begin embracing the joys of life.

If you need to talk, or just tell me that I'm an idiot, you can reach me on [e-mail address removed]

I hope you feel better soon.

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