How to move on with my life?
JAMIEALEATLEAF - Apr 10 2017 at 20:49
Well I was friends with Lucy for about 11 years. I knew her since she was three and grew up with her by my side. She was my best friend and only lived down the road. As we grew up, I didn't take her as granted as I should of.
I made some other friends and wanted to be with them. But at the end of the day, we would always be together. Then after years she made new friends and chose them over me. I never had true friends like she made, my only true friend was her. She went into Secondly school and I was 2 years of leaving.
There's three years age gap which takes its toll sometimes. In my last year of school we slightly drifted. I didn't have really have friends only school friends. I was always jealous that she pick other people over me all the time.
She moved miles away. But I tried my best to keep in contact with her. But it's hard to keep a long distance relationship. I've gone up to see her and she's been down to see me. But I would always find my self waiting by my phone or waitin to hear the door. As she would promise me, she'll come and see me. She would come down and see her old friends, who lived 5 minutes away from me. She would always chose them over me. I didn't have anyone else.
I would always support her and be there for her, but when it came to me she was no where to be seen.
I know we both were shit to each other but that's all I had. Yeah I had friends but no one made me happier to be with. When we spent time together, my face used to hurt from all the smiling. To me it was all worth waiting for. She would come and go when she pleases and I would let her.
After year of her being gone, I decided to cut things off. All good but a year later I notcie I haven't spoken to her for a year. It all came back, she left with a bit of me with her. She was everything to me . Like a sister but more, as she was part of me. I shut people out and don't try with people. What's the point? Who wants to be friends with me? I'm not the greatest person. I'm so selfish sometimes. I'm just angry why don't she want me? What's wrong with me? It was both of our faults what happened. In the end I was a good friend. But when we were younger I wasn't there. She needed me and I was too scared.
I have message her this. She apologises and would change it if she could. She's all grown up living her life. And I'm stuck in the past. I want the old Lucy back and I know I'll never will. I don't know the new Lucy a completely different person
I know it seems stupid. But she was the only person I had. I have on one and I'm alone. I'm not alone but always lonely. It's so lonely.
I have a current friend who is amazing but I'm scared I'm only friends with her because I'm comfortable and have no one else.
All I want is to be in the past, happy. I'm never happy like in the past. I don't know how to move on.
When one friend makes the other their whole world it is scary, unhealthy and not fun. I think she stopped having fun with you when you started pressuring her to relive old days and maybe pretend that you still were kids. I do not think you have lost her. Just give her time and space and STOP WAITING FOR HER! You must start to actually live yourself too. All your waiting is probably jusg adding to the guilt that she already have been feeling for some time now. She cares about you. She would not have come to you otherwise. When you have your life back on track (living and enjoying life), you can start hanging again. Me and my best friend since early childhood had a period of 7 years where we met only 2 times a year. Now we are tighter then ever. Everyone needs some time to themselvs so they can develop independently.
What I find more interesting is why all of this started in the first place. Why do you not want to live in real time? Do you have parts of your life that feels overwhelming? What parts are they? Why are you afraid of giving it your all?
You say you are not the best person. Why do you hold yourself in such low regard?
Sorry that I cant help you more. I would need more information on you for that.
Hi Jamiealeatleaf. It's honestly been a while since I've seen a topic based around friendships come up, and I can relate. I've had a mostly lifelong struggle with friendships, though fortunately for the past 3 or 4 years I've kept two fairly close friends. I realize how fickle human relationships can become, however, and that...people change. It is great when two people can remain lifelong friends, as Progressive.House and their besty did. Sometimes there are long periods of going your separate ways and doing your own thing. Of course that doesn't always happen. We are humans, and we need breaks from each other after a while. We desire to be free from restraint, so over time we keep what is working for us and weed out what isn't. Sometimes it isn't even about fighting or annoyance - sometimes, we just grow apart.
I doubt very much that either you or Lucy are "at fault" for your growing apart. Yes, maybe you didn't respect her enough early on, and spent more time with other people who might not have cared as much. And by the time those friendships of yours had faded, she had made closer friends in others. But you know, I think it's human nature to wonder about what could have been, and to lament poor choices in retrospect. At the time, you didn't see Lucy as a besty. And you thought she would always be there waiting for you. Well, that's just how things seemed to you then, there was no changing the outcome. But it provided you with a lesson and feelings to learn from.
At least you are still talking to Lucy. At least she is still alive, and doing well, and that's good! Who knows, maybe you will be able to repair the damage and become good friends again? But just know that life takes us all on our own paths, and sometimes they part ways - and lead to new friendships.
Over the years I lost a lot of friends, or potential friends. Some moved away. Some tried to be friendly to me, but I was too stubborn and worried what others would think of our friendship to pursue it. There were people I talked to who cut me off and never talked to me again. People I severed ties with, who I to this day can not find again to reconnect with. People who I forget the names or faces of, but remember and miss from time to time. And then those people who I didn't see eye to eye with over time and our friendships just ended naturally. There are even people who come in and out of my life from time to time and we catch up on things, and then don't talk again for a while because of life.
With my current friends, they are probably the best friends I've ever had in my life. They aren't perfect, they have their flaws, but they always want me around and want to hang out with me when they are able to. They will listen to me, and joke around with me, and we have common interests. We work together and that makes work more fun. But even then, I realize our paths may not intersect forever. Both friends have their own families and live different lifestyles from myself. Different things matter to each of us in life. I'm single and trying to survive and figure my life out as I continue to get older. But for now, we still hang out and they are there. And hopefully when the day comes that I see them a lot less or rarely at all, I will find my way to others worth my time and who care about me to fill that void.
I think you owe it to this new friend not to view them as someone you are friends with just out of convenience. A friend is a friend, plain and simple. If someone is willing to accept you for who you are and cares about you, that is worth holding on to. Appreciate her more!
So there is another issue I have which I keep coming back to in life, and I think it has the same answer as your issue. I long for love and companionship, but spend too much time chasing after it. Everyone always tells me to focus on living and enriching my own life, and that in time I will meet people who I have things in common with. The same thing goes for friendships as it does love. Live your life and focus on things you like - music, nature, sports, stories....whatever it is that inspires you and enriches your life. Find things like that and become a more complete person. And opportunities for new friendships and adventures will follow.